Hi Gary,

A very warm welcome to our forum, although I'm so sorry to hear why you've joined us. How is the trach working for your dad? I wouls imagine that this is the key question at the moment. It is very difficult when your dad feels that he doesn't want any more intervention and feels that he has had enough. Sometimes, there has to be a balance between quality of life and pursuing treatment.

I expect that the next question will be whether or not his cancer is treatable and, if so, how much extra time this will be likely to buy him? If treatment is still an option, how will this impinge on his quality of life, or how will he fare without treatment? We all want to know how long our loved ones have left and, for all the doctors will give you a prognosis, this is at best a 'guesstimate'. Some people go before this time, whilst others last well beyond it. Other questions will arise depending on the answers you get to the questions that I've mentioned. 

Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hi

Thanks for reply his condition is unoprable he is too frail I'm trying to keep working away but now I'm no functioning due to lack of sleep. I just want him to be comfortable sorry but he's not just ma dad he's my best friend and I don't know what to do 

Hi Gary,

Although his condition is inoperable, it might still be treatable, but at this stage it is only likely to buy him a little more time. His doctors may feel that he is also too frail for treatment, so this is something that you need to find out. I know that you just want your dad to be comfortable, so chemo may not be the best option to give him any quality of life. I have been through this before myself, so I know just how heart breaking it is. All you can do is to be there for your dad to support him, even if his wish is for no further  treatment.

Although it is hard for the family, sometimes this is the best and kindest way for the patient. Talk to him and tell him how much you love him. Say anything you want to say to him while you can and remember that the hearing is one of the last senses to go, so keep talking to him even if he seems unresponsive.

Sorry to be so blunt when things are so hard for you all, but these are the considerations you have to face in this situation. Have you any idea what investigations the doctors are doing and when they expect to have some answers?

Don't forget that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine 

Hi

And thank-you have a meeting tomorrow so will know more 

Thank-you 

Hi Gary,

Sorry to hear this. I hope the doctors can do something to help your dad at least feel more comfortable.

Stay strong xxx

Had q meeting this morning doctors nurses are brilliant yhey are making dad comfortable and now it's a waiting game feel bad that he is all alone for most of yhe day thank-you got your kind words 

Gary 

Hi 

Sorry I never replied don't know what day it is at times dad now has a driver in and has had no fluids or food since Tues but he looks OK still able to communicate via dry wipe board. I don't know how to feel I love the fact he is still with us but wonder how he feels its actually breaking Me he is so brave never complains bit is just lying there awaiting our next visit 

Thanks for the replies and reading through this site has been beneficial for us as a family. 

Hes my best friend and I really miss him 

Hi Gary,

There is never any hurry to reply to me. You have far more important things to dwell on at the moment. Your dad is obviously a fighter. They broke the mould when his generation were born! I am delighted to hear that he is still communicating with you, albeit via a dry wipe board. We had to resort to this with my in-laws too and, it was a great help. 

There is not usually that much longer when he stops eating and drinking and is on a pump driver. I am so glad to hear that reading through this thread has helped your family. You are going through such a harrowing time and it is hard to know how to cope. His Care team should be able to tell you when his time draws close, but will usually only do this if you ask directly.

I am thinking of you and your family at this time.

Kind regards,

Jolamine