Hello TMB 

I'm sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis and that she is really struggling with things at the moment. It's obviously a difficult time for you both and I'm sure that she really appreciates the love and support that you give her. 

It sounds like she has been through a lot over the past year and undoubtedly that will have taken a toll, not just physically but emotionally and mentally as well. I think many of our members here who are living with a stage 4 diagnosis will understand that. 

I'm unsure from your post if your wife has had any external counselling support since her diagnosis. Whilst having loved ones around us can be of vital importance sometimes having a professional to talk to can really help as there is no fear of upsetting or worrying the other person. I don't know if this is something that she might feel would be helpful to her but if so you could contact Maggie's who offer this kind of support. Alternatively, there may be access to counselling support via the team responsible for her care. 

With all that she has been through and still continuing with treatment, it may be that some "normality"  would be something she appreciates. A few hours doing something that she enjoys or that you may have done pre-diagnosis may help lift her spirits. It may be a trip to the garden centre or somewhere that the two of you love visiting. If she's not up to going out then maybe organising afternoon tea in the garden would be something she would like. Hopefully, some of our other members will post to share their advice and ideas with you too. 

In amongst all this, it's also really important to look after yourself as well TMB. If you feel that you would like to talk things through with one of our nruses at any point you're most welcome to contact them. They're available Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm on 0808 800 4040 or alternatively give Maggie's a call as they also provide support for carers. 

I hope this helps and that things improve for you both. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator