Dear willert . I truly am sorry for the devastating pain you are all suffering, it is so cruel and unbearable. I know this because my husband 60,and brother 52, passed away from lung cancer jan ,and feb this year . My world is in bits . You have a terrible time ahead , I am so sorry to say this. Losing your husband is so devastating. My brother fought cancer for years , since a teenager, but it went to his lungs 2 &1/2 years ago , the same time my husband was diagnosed, they were both incredibly brave and fought hard to stay with us . My brother had four tumours in his brain, went to Newcastle for lazer treatment, didn't work . My husband was stage 3b on diagnosis, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, immunotherapy, nothing worked , he worked up to first lockdown, but then had to shield, that's when he really deteriorated, it went to his brain . He began falling over as lot , then we were told he had a very aggressive tumour at the top of him lung , a pancoast tumour, which basically invades your body so fast and so aggressively, he was in agony, had morphine, methadone , steroids, loads of other tablets, because diabetic, he couldn't get out of bed or do anything for himself. I cared for him at home . He was in and out of the hospice, but wanted to die at home . I still didn't take in that he was dying . Christmas Day he stopped eating, he couldn't take his meds . It was awful, he had a catheter fitted , he fought and on the fifth January they put the driver on , it didn't help him , he had nurses out all night for pain and secretions . Dreadful, they fitted a second driver for methadone, I never slept from Xmas , the strength you find . Heartbreaking. His heart was going so fast , he was gurgling, so me and my daughter in law, lifted his pillows , so he was sat bolt upright, but as we did he took a large breath and stopped , I said no darl I haven't sat you up to die , he took two more breaths , and he passed, but honestly he had a smile on his face , as if the pain had lifted , I felt my life drain away from that moment. He was cremated on the 25th jan , and my brother passed on the 3 feb , I believe he felt ok to go , after my husband passed . I can't tell you , you will feel ok or that you won't cry every day , I've just started saying I take every day as it comes . But I cry constantly, and I sleep with my husbands ashes , it's a comfort to cuddle them and talk to him , we have had loads of signs , true signs to let us know he's here . I get comfort in that . I'm so sorry for pouring all this out . You must take every minute of every day and make memories, I believe we will be together again , but it's the pain of not having him here with me , it's all consuming. But nobody knows how it feels until they go through it , which is so very sad . I am sending love and strength to you . I hope I haven't upset you , that honestly isn't my intention, it's just such a really awful dreadful disease, cruel, for the person, and the family. Be kind to yourself, people told me that.  When I felt guilty eating and sleeping, but you need your strength, to be strong for your husband. Take care .