My wife has been diagnosed with Cancer of unknown primary, although we believe its cancer of the bile duct at stage 4 back in March.

She is incredible and remains positive, but is being severely tested as she is experiencing a terrible swelling in her abdomen and legs as apparently one of the tumours is blocking her lymphatic ducts stopping fluids from circulating properly in her body. This has really reduced her mobility so that she can't stand up from the settee, needs my help to get her clothes on and fell down the stairs. The problem is that this isn't ascites and the fluid isn't collecting, more its flooding her tissue and so can't be easilly relived. The Oncologist is clear that the only choice is chemo to hopefully reduce the tumour and free up her circulation.

She had her second dose of chemo this week and the last 2 days has noticed a slight movement in the fluids, with one leg getting a little smaller when she lies down - we're clinging onto hope that this is the first sign that the grip of the tumour is lessoning and fluids are moving a little. This morning she found that her poor swollen legs were spontaneously weeping fluid and so she has had to go into hospital to be assessed and maybe can get some drining because the fluid is moving.

Is it the good news that we desperately cling on for or is it yet another thing that this horrendous disease is doing to my beautiful, beloved wife? I don't know, but what i do know is that i sit here and type, just about to get the kids ready for bed, knowing that I'm unlikely to speak to another person until the morning. I really hate these long dark nights when she is in hospital (even if it is a very light time of year these nights feel especially dark, not knowing whats going on and where she is)

I don't know what this post is for, but i do know that it really helps to get my feelings out and hope that having written it down gives me a little more strength for the night ahead.

With love for all of you impacted by this terrible disease.

Keep smiling

Si