My mum was diagnosed stage 4 in February she had not been poorly so was a huge shock and to find it was stage 4 was a bigger blow, she had one round of chemo but then her bloods never are right to have another just keeps being put back.  As this has kept happening she has become really ill, first acscetis that was drained twice and now faeces have built up in the abdomen, I know am not the only one going through this hell and I keep telling myself that to try and ease my pain but am stuck as to if I will ever be okay again I feel like my heart has been ripped out and scared to face the world without her.  When it started tried keeping hope and positive thoughts but now all that seems to have gone as whenever she picks up a little she just goes back to something worse happening.  Have appointment with oncology again next week think it will be a telephone appointment as will be unable to drag her to hospital and I think he will just say he can do nothing for her .  Struggling mentally at the minute and hating life how do you even start to get over this watching her each day I just feel helpless I don’t want her to suffer but do not want her to die either and through it all she is so brave even though she must know that things are not good and the end is most probably near it’s breaking me

joec