Hi,

This is my first post.

My Dad (82) diagnosed with lung cancer at the end of 2019. He had SABRE treatment which was ineffective. He was told that because of his age/health nothing more to be done. He lives on his own. I am 5 hours away. No other family. No friends ,visitors or callers at all where he is - in fact all are positively discouraged by him.

Sadly Dad refuses to have anything to do with anyone.

Dad has actively (he told me to speak to them and tell them not to contact him) refused any engagement with the local hospice service (he has lost two wives to cancer so this is a very sensitive issue for him) and appears to have no appetite for engagement with his GP "I can't bother them - they are busy because of Covid".

I suspect this is a case of "what I don't know cant hurt me" as much as anything else.

Unfortunatley he is becomining increasingly confused and delusional - he will call me 4 or 5 times a day at all hours thinking that there are people living in his house, there are children are running round and his late wife is cooking tea for him downstairs etc.  

There is no one there but to Dad they are real.

The last time he took the phone to the kitchen to let me speak to "the cook" and then, after a while, he hung up.

Dad has always been an irracible soul so when I attempt to gently correct him  I promptly get both barrels as being a "clever *** who is just trying to trip him up" ! 

Clever *** I can live with.

My question is what have other people's experiences been.

I am juggling work so as to try and not leave him on his own for more than a few days each week.   

It seems that when he does not have any interaction with other people his mental health deteriorates.

Needless to say he refuses point blank to come and live (or even spend time) with me at my home.  

Dad has lost significant wieght. He is 6 foot now less than 9 stone.

He spends most time in bed.

Very fatigued and wasted.

He has no interest in food but will happily eat something if it is presented to him. 

He is often confused as to family and those family members who have passed believing dead family are still present and thos still present have already passed.

I am at my wits end and just don't know what to do.

In the absence of any interaction by Dad with the medicial profession I am a a loss to know where his diagnosis is, what the future holds or what I should be doing.

Dad has recently suffered a significant fall and has sustained a large head wound which (naturally) he refused point blank to seek treatment for.

In fact he was reviewed by am ambulance crew who "happened to be passing" after he locked himself out of the house  and the local "village friends " were assisting in getting him back in.

I don't know where/how/far/if the cancer has spread or what I can be doing to help Dad for the best.

Dad seems to be becoming more and more unreasonable and confrontational ,and seems to be withdrawing from the world aand retreating into his own strange "reality".

I am at a loss to know what to do - hence my reaching out to this forum.

My apologies for the length of this post.

I do realise there is no "simple answer" and with this dreadful disease all outcomes are different but any thoughts, pointers or  experiences from the wisdom on this board would be very much appreciated. 

Thank you in advance.

Pete