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Spiritual need

Purplefleur
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Hi, I'm caring for my husband who has end stage spindle cell sarcoma with mets (lungs, ribs, spine, pelvic c bone marrow ...so far)

I was brought up with the church (C of E) was in the choir, ran Sunday School etc. I lost my faith in 2009 when my best friend died of cancer aged 39 leaving a 7 year old son. 
Recently I've found myself drawn to religion again, but with Covid I haven't been able to attend church. I've started wearing an old crucifix necklace which gives me comfort but I feel I need to come back to God in a more immersive way. My husband is agnostic and I feel very anxious about this, questions about 'heaven' and his soul. 
I pray for him, I pray for an ease in his pain and a quick end when the time comes. Nobody in my family is religious or has a faith and none of my friends do either. I feel very alone, very spiritually starved and I don't want to come across as some bible bashing zealot. I just need some spiritual guidance. If anyone can help me I'd be grateful

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    I'm so sorry for what you're going through and can understand your need for spiritual support. Do you have a church nearby with a vicar you could talk to? 

  • Offline in reply to NellB

    Hi, thank you for replying ️
    we have a village church but we're new here and I think it's without a full-time vicar at present. 
    someone told me you can book an appointment to be allowed into church for private prayer a couple of days a week though so I will definitely do that. 

  • Offline in reply to Purplefleur

    If you go to the church you might find a notice board or parish news magazine which gives details of the team vicars or whoever is covering at the moment. I'm sure there's someone who knows someone who can offer the help you need.  Good luck. x

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    Hi,

    Let me just start by saying God's got this. He loves you & loves your husband. 

    Carry on praying for your husband, it's a wonderful thing to do. There is a passage in the Bible that's says "those who call on the Lord shall be saved" so as much as your husband agnostic it may be as he battles this disease he will even in the last few minutes call on God & then he will be assured of his place in heaven.

    Lots of churches have an online service just now...maybe you could find one you like (I can give you ours up here in n Scotland as that's the beauty of online but you may want to find more local. We also have a time of prayer on Friday morning online also have people from all over join us).

    Lots of churches have a Facebook page so worth searching & you should be able to message them through this. It would certainly be good for you to be able to chat to a pastor type person as you need to be fed & nurtured too. 

    I will happily pray for you & your husband if you would like & no I'm not a bible bashing zealot either but I just know how good it feels to know God loves me. ..whatever trials I'm facing He's got me. I am happy to chat / pray with you whenever you want. Xx

  • Offline in reply to DancingDeer

    Hi and thank you so much for your lovely response, I'm overwhelmingly reassured by 'God's got this'

    I would love you to pray for us, and if you don't mind I'd love to contact you again as your faith and words really calmed me. Thank you. xx

  • Offline in reply to Purplefleur

    Hi,

    Hope you're still feeling a bit calmer. I have been praying for you but as purplefleur & her husband! God knows though!

    Contact me any time.  I think we can message through here or happy to chat on something else if you'd rather. 

    Sarahxx

  • Offline in reply to DancingDeer

    Hi Sarah,

    I'm Melanie and my husband's John, thank you for your prayers. 
    I missed church today ‍♀️ as I had to take John in to the Acute Oncology Service, they've admitted him for the night. Our village church services started up today, with a small choir snd everything almost back to normal I'm so thrilled. Would love to chat to you sometime, not sure how on here but any other platform is fine xx

  • Offline in reply to Purplefleur

    Sorry to hear they had to admit John, hope they can sort things & he feels some relief. I've seen on here there is a way of sending friend request which I have done to you & then we can message? 

    You should go get some rest now, watch some trashy TV :grin: & hopefully have a good sleep, keep your strength up.

    Sarah xx

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    Hello purplefleur Sorry to hear your partners illness.I was brought up C of E myself. and like you I hated the thought of god or powers that be that direct paths of our lives. this was in 1987. the reason I know the year, that is when my wife had gone full term with twins. the maternity ward who did the ultra sounds didn't see the need to induce her. But one morning. there was no kicking on my back. everything was still. the wife seemed worried and we went to the hospital. both babies hearts had stopped. they did the autopsy all the organs were healthy. they just said the umbilical chords had wrapped around both babies necks, and that's the moment I stopped believing in god. My wife did not deserve that. I was angry, not with my wife but with religion. My wife was a wonderful woman never swore, and I asure you I mean she never swore. Unlike myself, I don't turn the air blue with my language, I turn it pitch black. So my hatred for religion is still as strong now than when it was back in 1987. even more so now since my wife was given the most horrible disease of all. Bowel cancer. and lasted 6 weeks from her diagnosis. My darling wife and I had been married 1 month shy of 34 years. She was catholic. and just for her peace of mind, I hope there's something there for her, and she is watching over me two kids and four grandchildren. this is just my personal opinion and I'd never preach to others that there is nothing more after life. I hope your prayers don't fall on death ears and his pain gets less. in my wife case her pain stopped when she stopped breathing, it was like a weight of our shoulders knowing she was no longer in any more pain.

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