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This is new to me. My mum has cancer and I’m not ok

Deesim
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I've been through loss due to cancer via my husband's family over the years. It was one family member a year it seemed. It was hard. 
but my mum has just been diagnosed with liver cancer and they have have found what they think is the primary in her bowel. She's undergone all the scans etc and she has THE meeting on Monday. I'm going with her as I'm "the level headed one who will take it all in and ask the right questions" (her words) I'm happy to be useful but I'm really feeling the pressure of having to suppress my feelings and keeping my *** together. I'm not remotely prepared for this. If it's bad news, I can't see the strongest woman on the planet who takes no *** crumble. Will I be able to be her someone to cling to? 
I feel so selfish because this isn't about me. I'm not the one with cancer facing my mortality. Preparing for someone to tell me when I'm going to die. I'm trying to stay positive but I can feel myself drifting away from her until they give "us" the prognosis. 
 

im sure that there are lots of people on here who have suffered through this and for that I'm sorry if I sound naive or self indulgent. I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel so redundant. Any advice would be appreciated 

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    Hi 

    I'm in exactly the same place as you are. Only possibly 9 months on. My mum also has bowel cancer that has gone to her liver. I've sat there while the discussion takes place on treatments and timescales. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to keep it together. I'm also 'the strong one' I cried silent tears throughout. If your mum gets upset. Then give each other a cuddle. After the meeting you can start supporting your mum with practical things as and when she needs you. My mum just appreciates I'm there supporting her in her decisions. This is one of the hardest things I've had to do. But together you support each other and get through the rubbish bits. So much of what you said sound like my own thoughts! 

    I wish you well, and my thoughts are with you, as I know exactly what you're going through. 

    big hugs 

    Tracy x

     


     

  • Offline in reply to Tracyh19

    Thank you for understanding, I thought I was going insane! I know this is a really *** time for our mums. I feel so selfish thinking of myself when it's not me going through it. Your response has made me feel like I'm not insane and these feelings are not unique. So thank you. I will take your advice and I do appreciate you taking the time to respond given what you're going through. I also wish you and your mum all the best. 
     

    im *** myself for Monday. We have been moaning that we've had no answers but now they're imminent I don't want to hear it if that makes sense? 
     

    but I will take your advice, I'll feel my feelings away from my mum and let her feel hers in front of me so I can comfort her and be strong for her. Being there is the important thing. Thank you so much 

     

    big hug right back at you 

    dee

  • Offline in reply to Deesim

    Hi Dee

    You haven't said how your mum is, mine is 77 and found chemo more tolerable than she thought. There's a variety of treatments available out there. They did say to my mum she was offered treatment because she walked in there with her back straight. Hair done and make up on with a positive outlook. From how you describe your mum. She sounds similar. And she does right to take no **** 

    I will be thinking about you tomorrow, and if you want to vent. Let me know :) 

    tracy x

     

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