My mother in law has been given a short term left to live. Her husband has taken it upon himself to be her carer. My husband and myself don't live with them but so desperately want to help. 

Whenever anything happens we are not his first phone call - his mother is - which we both understand as she can support him better than we can. However this means we do not find out information which is very important to us. 

We have asked for more support and help from him but he just gets angry and says he is trying his best. We know he is working hard we just want to help. Everybody who helps only helps him and doesn't consider that we are suffering too. This is so difficult for us because we can see both sides - we are both suffering but we aren't receiving any help. 

How do we go about this situation with out hurting his feelings? We have a fear that we will miss her death.