Hello May66, 

That garage converted into a sports room sound amazing - with even a TV area! That sounds better than any gym. I am so sorry to hear about your partner's diagnosis. It must have been such a shock to you and how unfortunate that he had a stroke shortly after being diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. His time in hospital when you couldn't visit him due to covid must have been so hard for you to bear. It's good that he's been able to come home on Monday and that his mobility has got so much better and he is now walking without even a stick. It sounds like you are doing amazingly and that he is incredibly lucky to have your support and such an incredible person by his side who only wants the best for him. You obviously love him very much and you are doing your very best and as you say there are things that are outside of your control. It's so sad that you are not able to hold him at night but it sounds like you are doing absolutely everything you can to listen to his needs and to give him much love and I am sure that he knows this. You are definitely not failing him; as you said there are things sadly you cannot fix but he knows you are there and that you love him deeply. 

I thought I would share with you our information for family, friends and caregivers of a loved one with cancer which I hope will give you some great tips to help you support someone who has been diagnosed with cancer. You will also find there a section on 'Taking Care of Yourself' which is also fundamental when you are spending so much time looking after your parner. I hope you will manage to carve a little bit of time for yourself so that you can recharge your own batteries from time to time as the physical and emotional exhaustion that goes with being a carer can be so draining. 

I will now let our other members who have been in your position before, looking after a loved one with cancer, come and say hello and share their experiences with you. It helps to talk to others who have been through it all before and I am sure they will have some good suggestions for you based on their individual stories. 

Keep strong May66, you are doing brilliantly and we are all thinking of you during this tough time. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Oh May66, this is awful I am so shocked and sorry to read this. You acted really quickly and recognised the stroke signs immediately so well done for that and for getting him in the ambulance without delay. It's good they also came straight away. Your description of how he kept saying that he didn't have a stroke and was moving his leg to prove it is so moving. But he is in the best place for him right now and they will do everything they can for him as they have done before. 

It's heartbreaking that you are separated again and that no visiting is allowed and you can't comfort him but you're right they have the medical care you can't offer him and it looks like they acted really quickly which is important with strokes. I hope you can be reunited soon and that he can come home once he has fully recovered from this. 

You are very much in my thoughts and I hope he is well looked after and you can be with him very soon. Keep us updated if you get a moment on how things develop. I hope you are ok and we are all here for you if you need to talk. 

Lucie 

He died x

Oh so sorry to read that he has died but you gave him love and he knew you loved him - you never failed him (as I know you are the sort of person who everyone comes to when in trouble or need help and you do sort things out and fix things) but somethings in life cant be fixed but loving and giving and showing how much you loved him and he would have known that and that would have been the most precious gift to give him.  xxx

Hi May66,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and I wanted to post to send our condolences. No doubt things must be incredibly difficult - I hope you have others around you to speak to, and we are of course always here on the forum for support or if you ever want to reach out to others.

If you feel you'd like additional support, have a look at Cruse who offer resources and a helpline for those who have lost a loved one.

Take care and best wishes,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator