Patient. Not coping. Carer ok

Hello I'm at home 24/7 caring for my 88 year old lovely mum who has pancreatic cancer T3N1M1 and spread to liver. She's had a stent and this has improved the jaundice and swelling and she's been discharged from hospital do thinks she'll get better. We've gone through what it all means and that it's palliative care only. No treatment plan. 

She won't speak to any of her friends about it and only wants me to look after her. Macmillan have been once but because they didn't examine her, she thinks sh must be getting better.

I accept this could be a denial phase, but I'm struggling to know how long we have left. We weren't given a prognosis. And how can I get her to engage with the process. She won't read or listen to anything about how the illness will progress and just tells me to "get on with it". 

I have no family support due to their breakdown of relationship with mum.

I'm not really sure what specific advice I'm asking for but it would be good to know how long I might be in this no man's land/limbo.

 

  • Hello HotPot123, 

    I am so sorry to hear about your mum's pancreatic cancer diagnosis. It must be so hard for you to have to be her main carer and I am sure she appreciates everything you do for her. I hope you manage to have a little bit of time to yourself to recharge your batteries as it can't be easy on a daily basis. We have some useful suggestions on this page to help take you not to forget taking care of yourself when you are caring for a loved one. 

    Unfortunately it is always very hard to know for sure what the prognosis might be as it will vary so much from one person to another. Perhaps you could talk to your mum's medical team about this as they will be aware of all the details of her pancreatic cancer and medical history so they may be able to tell you a bit more about what to expect. We do have some information on pancreatic cancer though on this page which I hope you will find useful and I hope that it will answer some of the questions you may have. You can also give our cancer nurses a call on this free number 0808 800 4040 - their helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. 

    It must be so hard for you to have to be facing this on your own, with no family support and feeling that you find yourself in limbo at the moment. I hope that you will hear from some of our forum members who have been in a similar position before, who may have for example looked after a loved one with pancreatic cancer and who will be happy to share their story with you. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator