Caring for Dying Mum at Home , feeling scared and alone

Hi All, I've never really posted on anything before but I wanted to ask if anyone out there would be able to give any advice on how to cope with looking after your parent while they are end of life with Cancer. My mum has secondary breast cancer, she's not that old only 72 but has been house bound since last year as well and has back problems all over and has been disabled most of her life since she was a child. She went into the hospice a few weeks ago for symptom control and they managed to get her on the right meds and we got her home and all was good, we didn't expect what happened next. Within a couple of day's of her being home she'd gone off all her food and drink and was sleeping all the time, at first the palliative team thought it might be just all her new meds kicking in and they just need to tweak them slightly but alter another day or so they told me , Wayne she only has a couple of days / short week left ...this was hardest thing I've ever been told in my life , I was heart broken..I've been living with my mum caring for her for the past 4 or so years after I split from my wife and my dad also passed away from cancer..it's been me and her against the world and now I'm being told she's just got day's. Well nearly 2 weeks on...and she's still here fighting , she sleeps most of the time but she does open her eyes a lot in the day but doesn't talk. I'm worried that she is upset/angry with me, should I be doing more, am I doing the right thing, I try to make her as comfortable as possible..but I have never struggled to talk to her but now I don't know what to say...I feel so guilty , I feel like I should be doing more for her, has anyone else experienced something like this..what should you do / am I doing the right thing? Sorry for this long essay but just felt like I needed to get this of my chest and ask other people, not very good at asking for advice never have been but feel this time I need too. Thankyou all for reading , all the best Wayne

  • Hi there Wayne...

    I'm so sorry your having to go through this ... life isn't fare ...

    But trust me as a mum of two lads , I know how proud your mum must feel ... and she's probly fustrated she can't tell you ... you are doing amazing ... be kind to your self ... your poor heart is breaking and there's not many could do what your doing ...

    You just tell her all that's in your heart .. I'm sure hearing how much you love her and holding her hand is all any of us could wish for ... I'm in my 60s and on my cancer journey... that's what I'd want ... so please never doubt your self ... and when your mum passes , you won't loose her she'll be right there in your heart tucked up safe ... and you can take her with you ... she will see through your eyes ...

    So no more saying your not doing enough ... your doing so so much ... just take every day as a bonus .. and even when you can't think of what to say ... just hold her hand ... sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie x

  • Hey Wayne

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. It's absolutely devestating to hear that news about your mum, I really understand. You will find a lot of very kind people on this forum who are unfortunately experiencing the same awful situation that you are, so please know you aren't alone in this. 

    Having just lost my mum under a pretty similar situation to you, I know how heartbreaking it is to see your mum become the shell of the person she was from this horrendous disease. 

    I'm sure your mum will be unbelievably grateful for you being there with her, and she will feel very loved. This is the most important thing. I certainly know the feelings of guilt are coming from seeing someone you love so much not as the person they once were, and it feels unfair. Very unfair. But there's nothing more than you could have done, and your mum will just be so thankful for you being with her.

    Sending lots of love and strength to you at this time. You're in my thoughts x