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What do i do?

davided84
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my mother who has always lived with me and was up until december a party goer has stage 4 bowel cancer thats spread and its a case of a year but keep her confortable 

as she lives with me and i have a high paying employment i get no benefits for her and unless we do a social services care review I have to pay for every thing she needs

Which is fine I have no issues with that - its Family!! they think they know better they beleive the NHS need to be sending in rails and guards and alarms along with paying for carers!

How do i tell them to back off and realise what i have in place is for the best and because of my earnings and she lives with me and my wife its not the same as if she lived alone or on low income or part of a housing association?

I have extensively looked at what we need and when ect - the Mcmillian can help when she needs help but right now were not at that point for in house 24 hour care. 

I dont want to offend them but they seem to stand back and critisise rather then help - right now shes up about alert and out in the garden with the cat! 

  • Hello Davided84

    I'm sorry to hear about your Mother's recent diagnosis. I'm sure that it's been a difficult time for you all. 

    It can be really difficult when you're caring for someone and others have differing opinions of what is needed. I would imagine that their advice is based on their concern for your Mum but it's understandable that it's frustrating for you when you see how well your Mum is doing on a daily basis at the moment. 

    I'm unsure if you've told these family members that you've been in touch with relevant support agencies and you know how to access their services if/when they're needed. Sometimes a firm but polite response may still lead to people being upset or put out but hopefully, their current levels of concern are a knee-*** reaction to her diagnosis. Once they realise that she is generally doing well on a day-to-day basis they may be more relaxed about things. 

    I hope that your Mum continues to be able to up and about enjoying the garden with the cat for the company for quite some time to come. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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