Hello. There is lots of background, but I'll keep this to the point (my autism)
We are a gay couple, been together 26 years and married for 14.
My husband Michael is 51, and when he was 16 had testicular cancer and one was removed. When he was in his 30s, he had a skin cancer on his face that was removed and got the start of arthritis and osteoporosis (he didnt take HRT after the testicular cancer).
In Jan 2017, he slipped on the kitchen tiled floor and broke his spine - 2 vertevrae. one shattered, one broken They couldnt operate because of the low bone density. Since then with subsequent falls, he now has 4 shattered vertebrae and one cracked. These will never heal. He can walk short distances using two crutches and is in constant pain.
His only treatment for any of this is opiate painkillers and valium (which he doesnt usually take). He also drinks rum. a LOT of rum, maybe 70-100cl every day, and also a heavy smoker (30-40/day).
In 2019 he developed Multiple Myeloma and on Tuesday at hopital, was given 'months' to live according to what he eventually shouted at me today.
My autism makes me not express emotions, so he thinks i dont care and want him to die, but I don't. I do love him. I accept facts readily, but he can't accept his situation. I was only diagnosed with autism last year. Always knew something was different, just never put it down to autism before.
For about the last 14 months, most of the time Michael is very angry, irate, insulting, degrading, abusive, threatening, and more.
It usully triggers off when the opiates wear off and he cant take the next for several hours, so he's spending two 4-6 hoour periods in the day where he's in severe pain.
I get any ammunition he can think of (my upbringing, my mother, my religion, my boss, my bedroom 'preferences', my shortfalls and failures, etc....) shouted in my face, Insulted, threatened, and it not nice.
Sometimes he just puts the hifi on full and plays 80's music tracks on repeat for hours.
I tolerate it as much as I can but its getting worse and recently have resorted to locking myself in the spare room and watching netflix with headphones in just so I can't hear the torrent of abuse or loud musid. i just have to make the noise stop, and I wont move out or leave him because of this.
I ended up reporting him to the police for domestic abuse. I dont really want him prosecuted, but I cant take this anymore.
Nothing I try improves things and I am unsure what to do now.
Any suggestions ?
I would do anything for him. He always wanted a black leather chesterfield sofa so I bought him one. It hasnt made any difference to his moods.
Thank you.
