Hi there ... so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... it's a really sad situation ... you don't say how old she is, not that it matters but might explain a little how she feels ... sadly it sounds like your banging your head on a wall ... it sounds like she's been rocked to her core, and is giving up ... which I can understand ... sometimes it's too hard to fight ... it's finding something that will at least help her eat a little ... and she will need pain relief through this ...

All I can think of is call Marie Currie and McMillan... they maybe able to talk to her, and at least get her to eat ... maybe she just doesn't want to go through treatments which can be really hard even for those that are fit ... so that has to be her decision ... but she needs to talk to someone who can at least make her more comfortable, and then with no pressure she may just open up and tell you how she really feels if she knows you'll just listen and hold her hand whatever she decides ...

You can always come on here and chat or vent ... we've all got the cancer tee shirt.... either with it or caring for someone with it ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

Thanks so much Chrissie really appreciate your message. I know I'm not alone. My mum will be 75 in April 

Well my hunny, I know sometimes it's harder to fight when wer a tad older,though some even 100 lasses and lads still find the strength to take it on ... 

I'm 66 and I had breast cancer in 2017 ... I did have a masectomy ... but said right from the start no treatments.... to me personally... I've had a rollercoaster life ... done that, been there... and oh so many adventures ... so I weighed it up, and decided to take each day as a bonus ... I preyed for 7 weeks to be with my 5 year old granddaughter for her school summer holiday ... well still here and she's 9 now ... 

But just maybe your mum's a tad like me... I'm only guessing ... but hold her hand ... let her talk ... tell her whatever she decides you'll support her ... just explain she needs to talk to someone from like McMillan as she will need on going help ... as will you ... I'm blessed to have support from all my family ... right from day one ... it's my cancer .. my decision ... 

I've been on both sides of cancer, and I think it's far harder watching someone I love go through it ... my granddaughter got acute myeloid leukaemia at 17 and had 7 months of chemo and radio and a stem cell transplant... she went through more then anyone should have to, let alone so young ... we lost her 6 months ago ... the hardest part is she didn't have many breaks from treatments ... and because of covid only mum and dad's were allowed to see her ...

How I wished I could have sat by her and held her hand and tell her how loved she was ... so you have that chance with your mum ... share tears and thoughts and leave nothing unsaid ... and take every day as a bonus... I'm here most days if you want a chat ... give McMillan and Marrie Curie a call Monday... see if they can help ... Chrissie x

Hi ya, I'm feeling your pain my dads just been told he has stomach cancer stage 4 but also had kidney stones which makes you very poorly. Dad had stones removed yesterday and hasn't been able to eat. His lost 4 stones his just came home from hospital and been told he can't have treatment until his a bit stronger but if his not eating his going to get worse. It's all so sad I hope it all works well for you and your mum ️

Hi Lin

I am really sorry to hear this, I had this experience with my mother in law and now my father who has terminal cancer. My mother in law I insisted on taking into hospital when she was too weak to argue against which she always did, I regret this now as she hurt herself in the first few days trying to crawl out of bed in the night many times. She lasted one week in hospital and it was traumatic until she was moved to the hospice where they were wonderful. My dad is discharging himself from the hospital and will have no treatment. I realise it is all their own choices, and you have to respect that, as we will make those choices too in the future. However you must do what is right for you too and find out what you can cope with. Discuss it with someone else and possibly make a plan now. Try ringing your mother's doctor and talk to the palliative care or care in the community, or find a friend to unburden to. See what you find acceptable and your mother too. You may have to take charge. Decide what is best for you both. I feel for you.

Sorry ur going threw a upsetting time.. u aren't alone.. may be ur mam is in denial and she's hiding her feelings.. as she knows ur upset...maybe phone her doctor or macmillian or who ever ur with for advice... my dad is terminal aswell.. he has days where he doesn't eat..and it is so upsetting.. all we can do is take one day at a time.. hope this helps a little xxxx