I don't find many things funny These days but I didn't press the read more on your post and I have just read it now lol I think cancer makes the partners stupid I make so many mistakes these days ,I do speak to my friends but your frightened to keep giving bad news because as you know you just seem to get one health problem solved and another one crops up,so when you haven't seen friends for awhile you don't want to be negative all the time and you normally just say things are fine ,my farther not long ago lost my mother so I wouldn't tell him as he's still grieving himself bless ,and I have 2 marvellous kids but you never want to worry them ,so I've found this forum in 2 days a fantastic release as I'm talking to someone I don't have to pretend to .he's a fab man but because of the depression tablets he's so laid back and I feel like I'm fighting to keep our marriage but  he thinks he's not a real man and he never will be now so what can he do  ,we tried a depression 6 week course with other people there everyone talking about there experiences and everyone said it had helped but my husband said how can I feel better my colostomy bag isn't going anywhere,and I understand how he must feel .the few times we have been out his bag has leaked so it knocks him for six ,once it was family and friends who were so concerned with love but the embarrassment wasn't any less for him even being around people who loved him unconditionally. Because I feel this forum has helped me understand other people have problems to,I am going to go into a cancer site for people with colostomy bags and see if I can pick up any help from people who have been through my situation and see if they have any hints and soloutions thankyou so much for your time to try and help me I am so thankful you would never no how much I am 

Hi Walker,

I fully understand that it's the camaradie that you are missing, but I am so glad that you have found this site a release. Cancer changes us all. Sadly, we only get one chance at life and, there's no point in letting cancer take it over. The secret is to try and become more positive about your life and, making the most we can from the new life that cancer has left us with. This is not always easy.

I am a very strong person, but I went to pieces when I was first diagnosed. I eventually went to see a counsellor at my husband and daughter's insistance and, much against my better judgement. At the time, the appointment was a total disaster and, I was disgusted at the way I behaved during it. I later discovered that it had helped my daughter's relationship with me dramatically.

I tried a pain management group after my second bout of breast cancer in the past 11 years. Many people found this helpful, but I cannot say that I did. This was mainly because the whole focus of the group was on pain, whereas I do my level best to forget my pain and get on with life. Concentrating on pain all the time only made matters worse for me. I wonder if your husband had the same problem with the course on depression? Depression and cancer often go hand in hand and, make life even more difficult to cope with. It does sound as if you are depressed too. I know that it is difficult to find some time for yourself when you are looking after your husband, but have you tried exercise if you don't want medication? This is a great way of improving your mood and helping you to sleep better.

I agree it would be helpful going on a forum for people who have colostomy bags and discussing some day to day problems and solutions with them. There are over 5,000 posts on this forum from people with bowel cancer and, many of them have bags. If you go to the blue banner at the top of this page and click on the search engine, then insert your key words, you will find these posts. Feel free to reply to any that interest you.

I can appreciate that you don’t want to burden your children with worry, but it might help to get them involved in speaking to their dad and getting him to open up a little more about his feelings. I am so sorry to hear that you lost your mother recently too, so you will obviously have caring concerns for your father as well. No matter how strong you are, you are not superwoman and, you need some support too.

It is always going to be a problem when you are out and ‘the bag’ leaks. Instead of letting it become a disaster, try to make light of the situation. If you are in the company of loved ones, they won’t mind in the slightest, so why should he?

I hope that you continue to delve into the forum. I know that it has been a lifesaver for me. Please remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thankyou so much for your reply ,the advice I'm getting is so spot on I just need to act on it and get my self out of this rutt ,I love my husband so much I just feel frightened something is going to go wrong instead of like you say enjoying the time we have 

Sorry you feel this way,its understandable u feel this way,its only all the emotions u feel... you aren't a horrible person people react in different ways... my dad has terminal cancer and I go threw emotions daily.. when a person has cancer it effects those round them in different ways... i feel numb some days anger,heartbroken nd often ask my self why my dad... all I can say is please don't be so hard on yourself... stay strong im here if u need to talk just add me as a friend... sending hugs hope this helps a little xxxxx

Thankyou Kellzy I think it's easier to understand when you realise other people are going through the same thing