Daughter with terminal cancer

I'm June. My 44 year old daughter was diagnosed in November with stomach cancer. The tumour burst through the stomach and into the peritoneal this is inoperable and terminal. She has 5 sons we are all shocked they have said she may have a year. She is being very practical and strong but I'm finding it very hard to cope and accept. I'm trying to be strong in front of her and my grandsons but I'm really struggling and can't stop crying when I'm on my own I feel an overwhelming sadness. I lost my husband to cancer 4 years ago. Does anyone have any advice or where I can get help. 

  • Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment..... l think there's no other pain that hurts more then loosing our own babies , no mater what their age ....  : ((  

    All I'd say is how I look at this ... you had all that pain bringing her into the world .. you fed her night and day with not much sleep ... you held her hand to help her walk, while you held her up and caught her if she fell ... you saw her off to school , I bet with a lump in your throut ... you watched her grow from a girl to a woman ... you had to let her go make her own family .. 

    Now you need to do it all again in a different way .. she will need you to hold her hand ... everyday is day you can all make memories .. it's o.k to admit your both scared.... she will be to  .... it's o.k to share tears .. otherwise you'll both cry alone ... you have time to say what's in your heart.... listen to what she wants and that will mean a lot for her to have that gift of being able to say anything ...

    I'm sure she'll need you to watch over her kids ... your grandkids... that will help her ... just her having you hold her hand... think that's what we all want ... and in doing it, I'm sure you'll find smiles prepping in to .. don't waste a day, looking ahead ... live in the day ... and like you did when she was small, you'll be helping her now ... she will always be your baby... when we have our babies we are bound by that cord .. they may think they have cut it, but it's there always ... 

    I've lost my granddaughter to acute myeloid leukaemia a few months ago ... l know my daughter in law has given her amazing daughter a piece of her heart to take with her ... and we talk about her all the time ..  she had 7 months of chemo and radio and a stem cell transplant... she battled so hard while keeping her beautiful smile always ... we never gave up hope but it took her before we had chance of making more memories ... so we have memories of treatments and I wasn't even allowed a cuddle as only her mum was allowed in because of covid ... 

    So grab every day and make as many memories as you can .. even if it's just sitting together looking through photos ... watching a film ... so my thoughts are with you ... you can always put your thoughts on here ... I have ... a place where wer never alone ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

  • Thanks Christie I'm so sorry about your lovely granddaughter we are doing just what you say and making as many memories as possible at least we have some time to do that I list my husband 4 years ago and we had no time he died 2 weeks after diagnosis   No time to do much so I suppose we are fortunate.take care I wish you and your family well x June

  • So sorry to her this  was she been sick 

  • Thanks Amanda she was having problems keeping food down so couldn't eat for few weeks doc thought it was an ulcer she had a scan and they told her was cancer and it had been in her stomach and had burst through to her peritoneal so they can't operate so she's receiving palliative chemo to give her more time .it's a parents worse nightmare -june

  • Hi June, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how you must feel at a time like this.

    the pain must be unbearable not only for your daughter but also her children.

    yesterday morning  I had the devasting news that my brother had died and on the afternoon I was hit again when my husband was diagnosed with advanced stage 4 oesophagus cancer which has spread to his liver. It is inoperable, he will have pallantive chemo with a time frame of 9 to 15 months.

    We have a 16 year old daughter who is absolutely heartbroken and a family in shock 

    I feel completely numb and the tears keep rolling.

    I am sending you a virtual love and hug, make memories and try and stay strong 

    xxx

  • Hi Jules that's awful so sorry about your brother and your husband my husband died 5 years ago he had a sore hip and went into hospital on 8 th may and he died on 19 th it was too late for chemo it was so sudden. Now my daughter I am heartbroken she's a scientist and has worked in cancer research most of her working life it's ironic. I feel so sad all the time and I am crying a lot just like you. I think losing a child is the worse thing that can happen to a parent. I think we need to keep positive many people have been told they only have short time but they have lived much longer I hope this is the case for both my daughter and your husband my heart goes out to you and your daughter sending hugs take care x