I just don’t know what to do & I wondered if someone could please give any advice. My 63 Year old Father was diagnosed with untreatable lung cancer at the end of November 2020. He lives alone in sheltered accommodation & collapsed not long after his diagnosis. He was took to hospital & was found to have over 27 brain mets. The specialists decided the best thing to do & what my Dad wanted was to get him a fast track discharge for continuing care. He spent almost a month in Hospital with no visitors due to covid & was discharged home. During his time in Hospital I was in contact with various organizations sorting out everything to get him home. It made it more difficult as he is NIL by mouth so on a NJ feed machine which made sourcing a care company a little more difficult. He had an hospital bed delivered to his home along with a commode & had an alarm wrsit watch pendent allocated.
We are not a big family & the only close relatives my Dad has is myself & his 59 year old Sister who I didn’t know that well. Since he was discharged just before Christmas his Sister has been staying 3 nights a week with my Dad I have only managed a couple as I am a single parent of a 13 year old who I took custody of a Year ago due to ongoing issues with his Mother. I work full time at home due to Covid & I visit my Dad every night for 2 to 3 hours. During this time, I leave my son by himself which is fine for a few hours. My Son is very sensitive & we have spoken about his Grandad & his illness, but my Son cannot bring himself to seeing his Grandad in the way he is especially as he has the NJ tube in his nose. I respect my Sons wishes & because of the extremely difficult time he has been through with his Mother I do not want to put any more stress & upset on his shoulders.
The issue we are facing now is that my Dads sister is finding staying with my Dad very difficult especially as he can now not make it to the bathroom & has fallen twice. My Dad’s pain is increasing & the doctors keep having to increase his morphine. He rarely sleeps past 3am & wakes in pain so my Auntie doesn’t manage to get much sleep when she stays with my Dad. My Dad has carers who come in 4 times per day & the district nurse visits once a week. We spoke to the district nurse & expressed that we were now getting anxious about my Dads safety through the night when we are not there. They agreed to have my Dad assessed for over night care which they did last night. I spoke to the Neighbourhood care team today & they are assessing my Dad again tonight because they are not sure he needs over night care. I spoke to my Dad today & he became extremely upset & basically said that he thinks I don’t care & he would rather me stay over with him. This really upset me because I love & care about him immensely, but I have a 13 year old who I am trying to support through the difficult time with his mother plus juggling work & home schooling. I now feel extremely guilty & it is making me think that maybe I am not doing enough. I just do not know what to do for the best. The only help I have with my Son is his older Sister who will look after him one night a week but other than that I have no one. The only other thing I could think of is to stay at my Dads with my Son but I have discussed this with him & he just gets upset & I can see he doesn’t want to see his Grandad in pain & looking poorly which I do understand.
Any advice please?
