No one has any idea of what you are going through unless they are going through it as well.  I've been through it with my husband, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, ups downs, bad moods, then the family turn up and tell you that you're too sensitive!!  I am like you, my tag is Stay Strong, for goodness sake but we all have our limits.  My daughter aged 45 lives in the South we're  in the North so she came every few months.  One day she told me I was too sensitive it was Dad that was suffering etc. I told her she had no idea of what I was going through, to go away and leave me alone, the first time in my life that I'd spoken to her like that but it worked.  It made her realise that me and her Dad were struggling not just him.  So really what I'm saying is don't *** foot around speak the truth and if they love and care for you they will understand.  Being strong is fine but we are all human and we have a breaking point.  Take care, Carol x 

Thanks very much.  That's helpful.  I'm probably not very good at signalling that I'm struggling - I know that - so people probably don't realise.  I did send an email saying how desperate I felt - no response yet.  Perhaps it hasn't worked, but we'll see.  

Hi Caro, the problem with e mails is that you can't put the feelings you have across, they need to hear you speak and say how you feel.  Many would just think that you are having a bad day and you got it off your mind, there is nothing better than the sound of the despair in your voice.  Let's hope it does have some effect and yes not many of us can stand up for ourselves, it's very hard but you need to put you first for once.  Good luck, Carol x 

Hi Dor06

You're right about emails which can often come across the wrong way anyway.  I've since given this some more thought though - and have spoken to a couple of other people.  The problem is that you never know who will walk along the cancer path with you.  Some people surprise you by seeming to find it difficult to accompany you.  They can't acknowledge things and would rather put their heads in the sand - and these are not always the people who you think will do that.  

At the moment I'm resigned to walking along the road on my own, but with some very good friends who will come and say "hi" and be there when hopefully when I need them.  Just because your family are your own flesh and blood doesn't mean that they will want to walk the same way as you.  I guess we'll meet at some point when we get to the other side, but our experiences will be different.  My fear is that that will put even more distance between us, but I'm learning not to be resentful or bitter because they don't want to walk with me - hopefully:).    

Hi

I completely understand where you are coming from. I think lockdown is not helping us either. My husband was diagnosed in oct with glibstoma grade 4 and in November after his operation that he has months to live. For 6 weeks we have been doing radiotherapy and chemotherapy and it's exhausting to try and do everything and stay positive. I hate driving but have no choice and my husband is losing his sight and getting angrier by the day with frustration. No one allowed to visit you so people don't know what it's like being moaned at all day. What has shocked me most is people I didn't know we'll have been lovely but my really good friend has stopped messaging as much as she says she has her life. Well I hope she never has to go through this. Waking up realising this is not going to get better is heartbreaking. I finally snapped last week at my doctor when he wouldn't discuss my husband. I am so glad I did. Now I have phone calls from the doctor checking on us and our local health centre. Shouldn't have to get angry but I am being robbed of my lovely kind caring husband and I am sure that is why you are getting cross too. This is a very cruel cancer and even us strong people get to a breaking point. Just remember you are doing an amazing job of trying to do everything and you just can't please everyone. Teresa x

Hi girls, life is not easy when your partner has cancer, anger, resentment, loss of friends and being left to carry the burden is not what we set out to do.  Lockdown has made it worse so for friends to not be as kind as they should is sad, I have been lucky with mine but have noticed during lockdown that my very good friend of fifty years is not ringing me as much and it makes me think did I rely on her too much during all his treatment but I try very hard to keep in touch with with her as I will need my good friends when I'm finally on my own.  So let's just get through the difficult times and hope when we are able to go out that people will still want to see us.  Love to you both, Carol x 

Hi

you are so right. I felt better after writing a post on here and finally felt so pleased someone understood how I feel. I am going to start a list of all the things I want to do when lockdown over/on my own. Never know what will come first. X