Both parents with cancer

Hello,

My name is James and i'm 23 from Essex, my sister is 22, my father is 68 and my mother is 59. Last week my father was diagnosed with stage 3a bowel cancer and is next week starting chemotherapy. The anxiety when awaiting biopsy results was awful and our whole family suffered immensely fearing a terrible diagnosis. We are relieved the diagnosis was not worse I suppose. My mother however had been complaining of chest pain which I assumed was anxiety, she went to the hospital and they ran some tests and her heart is fine. However, the doctor has found a blockage in her stomach. This is my absolute worst nightmare, my family is very small and im struggling to know how to cope if my mother also has cancer, particularly in the stomach as i know the prognosis is poor. Does anybody know if during these covid times that a carer can be obtained because i dont believe me and my sister can cope with having to look after both of them. Also if anyone has anything they could suggest that the blockage might be in ths stomach other than cancer then this would be at least a crumb of comfort. I'm thinking of you all in these horrendous times. Lots of love, James 

  • Hello James, 

    A warm welcome to our forum. I am so sorry to hear that both your father and mother have been diagnosed with cancer. How unfortunate that this is happening to both of them at the same time and I can imagine it is a lot for you and your sister to have to cope with. There is useful information on our website for Family, friends and caregivers which you can find here and which will give you some helpful tips to help you manage on a practical and emotional level. You will get some insight into how to best support your loved ones at the moment but also into how to look after yourself too and give yourself a break from time to time to recharge your batteries. It might be worth you getting in touch with Carers UK  and explaining your very specific circumstances to them, the fact that you will need to look after both your parents who have been diagnosed with cancer at the same time. I am sure they will have some helpful suggestions for you and that they will be able to give you advice as to the kinds of financial support and practical help you might be entitled to. 

    Things are particularly tough during these covid times and it's hard to know sometimes what our options are especially as things do change quickly. I have found this page though on the government website about the provision of home care so it does sound like personal care is still being provided to vulnerable patients who require support in their own homes (obviously with the right kind of PPE).  I am not sure exactly what you would be entitled to in your very specific circumstances and this is something CarersUK might have more expertise in so don't hesitate to contact them and ask for more detailed information on this. 

    Unfortunately no one here will be able to tell you whether this blockage in your mum's stomach is definitely caused by cancer as only specialists in the field will be able to tell you more about this, but I do hope that you get some definite answers soon. 

    Poor you James, this is an awful lot for you and your sister to have to deal with and I just wanted you to know that we are here for you if you need to talk or offload at any point. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator