Hi
I have looked through many postings over the last few weeks and shed many tears reading and understanding everyone's feelings and circumstances.
My husband became a bit unwell really quickly in the summer, he was losing weight drastically and hardly ate anything. I finally got him to the GP for only the 3rd time in 30 years and the gp organised for an endoscopy. We were told straight after he had bowel cancer and then had to wait for a scan. My husband had his scan and we were told on the 5th November it was terminal as it has spread to his liver, the prognosis 6 to 12 months. He immediately that day was taken to have a stoma fitted as the tumour in his bowel was stopping him passing properly.
He began chemo 4 weeks after so mid December and is having fortnightly sessions with a 48hr pump. The weight is still coming off him even with supplements, its a fighting battle each day to get him to eat. I feel so angry sometimes at him for refusing the supplements and not eating and then feel like crap cause I feel angry at him. He's less than 10 stone now and just under 6ft he's aged 10 years in 6 months and there is nothing left of him.
I have silently cried myself to sleep every night since November I try to be strong but inside I feel empty, all our future plans gone. I feel robbed of my husband and robbed of my future. We have the doctors who look after him but have had no other offer of help and support.
I am off work to look after him and I do worry about future finances etc and what will become of me when he's no longer with me. We have been married 29 years. He is 65 and I am 50. We have 2 grown up children and a foster daughter who is 13. Hes my best friend.
I really don't know what to expect and there is no way he's going into a hospice or hospital he wants to be home, there's no care plan in place and that worries me because I want to stick to his wishes. I feel out of control out my depth anxious upset and angry...not at him this horrible bloody disease
