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Supporting my children

CLJ
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My mum, 77, was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 years ago and in January 2020 we were told it was stage 4 so every week we have her is a gift. The plan always was that, when she was unable to look after herself any longer or did not want to be alone, she would come and live with me. I have the space that my siblings can't offer. I do work full time but am currently working from home. Anyway, mum moved in about 3 weeks before Christmas. Her condition is deteorating. I have two children who both live with me, one is 15 and one is 20 (he isn't returning to uni at the moment). I also have a stepson who stays every other week. My two boys are very close to my mum as she practically raised them doing all my childcare while I worked. My question is, how do I support them in the days, weeks or months to come? 

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    Hi there ...  well you sound like your doing a grand job all round, and you should be very proud of yourself ..  what an amazing daughter and mum ...

    I'd just say, try to include them ... keep them in the loop .. share feelings, and accept if they want to help, even if it's preparing food ... or doing the washing ... helping each other and gentle honesty ... if you feel low , say it ... hold each other's hands ... but know it may get really hard ... so reach out to any help you can get ... I know Marie Currie help through the night ... and they will support you and your mum ... they have a site on here to ... there's district nurses .. and McMillan to help care for her to, to give you a break 

    So don't forget to look after you to ... take some time to do something you like ... if only we all had someone like you ... take care and stay safe ... Chrissie x

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Dear Chriss what a lovely response. Many thanks for the positive encouragement. My boys are helping so much and I'm very grateful for it. I think they are reluctant to open up because they are protecting me. Tonight I've had tears from my 15 year old though and it has come out how scared he is. Luckily he can get respite when he stays with his dad. I wondered whether I should be looking for pre-bereavement counselling for them. I don't know how you prepare a child for such a huge loss

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to CLJ

    Bless ya ...

    I think it's good you lad can share a few tears ...being strong all the time ,helps no one ... id be more worried if he was holding it in .. if he knows its ok to cry and ite o.k to share feelings ...  then you'll help each other through ... you know it's o.k to tell him your a bit scared too .. that it's new for all of you .. and if ever he wants to chat or vent then you'll be there ...  don't worry that he's emotional ... I have two lads to .. when my mum died they were 17 and 8 ... and I used gentle honesty all the way through .. 

    My mum was a huge part of our lives to .. she adored them both ... and after ... we talked about her all the time .. we carried her in our heart ... I made a memory book of photos and even now 31 years later, they still put photo of her and them when they were young on their face books ... they still talk about her ..

    So you keep holding on ... later he may need councilling,  because he's seeing his nan get very poorly .. but think of a hospice if it gets too hard ... that's what I've told my lad for me if my cancer takes me .. they are so kind there ...  I'm here most days if you want a chat ... it's gonna be one of the hardest things you do ... but take every day as a bonus ... that's how I look at life ... try not to look to far ahead ... one problem at a time ... and look after you too ... Chrissie x

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