Hello LinsD85,

                        l know how hard it was on my relationship whilst fighting cancer, some years back,so l really do feel for you having to go through this with the immense burden Covid is placing upon you ,along with the restrictions in getting help and support.l do not have any easy answers for you,since they do not exist, just to say that somehow people manage to draw on an incredible inner strength they never realised existed, to help ,see them through. l hope you manage to find yours and realise you have now become a member of the exceptional peoples club even though you never asked to join.l can only wish you the very best as you struggle to move forward,

                                                                                                                                                            David

Hi, I really felt for you reading your post, my husband has stage four oesophageal cancer, only diagnosed in November, but he is 63 not 39, that is really very young and unfair, especially if you have young children.  I am learning fast that it affects everyone and everything, even if you try to be positive etc, its very very scary. I hope that your husband stabilises soon, with his treatment, itsnatural for emotions to be all over the place (for both of you, although it sounds like your own are being pushed down while you are supporting him at the moment) this is a good place to come, chat, get it all out, we are here, you are not alone. Please take care, you will be in my thoughts. 

HiLins.

welcome to the ever expanding 'Oesophageal club'. One that ,you would no doubt rather not be a member of. We seem to be increasing on here every week. I second everything'gruntifen' has said.

i only joined in August after my 56 yr old husband got this diagnosis totally out of the blue. I had never used a forum before either and really stay away from 'anti' social media, but this board has been incredibly informative and helped me through this utter sh**strom.

we too, have young children.

I almost have 'forgotten' about the pandemic as the 'other' has been a major distraction. Utter rollercoaster. 
 

My husband had his chemo and had his surgery 4 weeks ago. Doing well, now waiting to hear if he needs post op,chemo.

To look at your question about mood. Steroids (during chemo) were quite amazing at causing all sort of 'strange' things including strange moods.  For the 3 days he took them at the start of each cycle, he was grumpy and tetchy, but got better when not on them. However it is difficult to separate the utter emotional devastation  that comes with this diagnosis, especially once we have consulted 'dr google' (:

My advice , for what its worth, Is stop trying so hard to 'be strong'- I hate that word, what does it look like, how does being strong show itself, I've never worked it out. All we can ever do is plod along, take it as it comes and when the tears need to come, let them come,  and for me a big one was, and still is anger. Try and find a good place to let it rip. Physically thrash it out somewhere

I totally understand what you're going through. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer 3 years ago when he was 48. We discovered this after he had a brain hemorrhage whilst swimming which left him partially paralyzed down the right side of his body. He had surgery to remove the kidney and the brain met, and spent two months in a wheelchair learning to move his right arm and leg again. For the last three years he's been relatively stable but unfortunately the latest scan showed that the cancer has returned. I can't begin to understand what he's going through. He gets very cross sometimes, and frustrated at not being able to do everything he did before, like going swimming, playing the drums etc. I think he's also depressed, but when I tried to raise this with him he just got angrier.  I think lockdown has made the situation far worse too for all of us too. I alternate between feeling angry and then trying to stay positive, but it's not easy.  I'm afraid I don't have any solutions, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Sending you a big hug! Rachel