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Stage 4 Melanoma

Paddy123456
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Hi All,

This is my first time posting, I am hoping to get some insights on what I can expect in the coming months.

My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 metastasis melanoma about 8 weeks ago which has spread to the intestines, lungs and brain. 

My parents unfortunately decided to keep the intricacies of the diagnosis from me but I know she has had 1 session of immunotherapy and that the oncologist has said in the past that without treatment it could be 3-4 months. She is also suffering with blood clots of the lungs and legs.

They are not willing to discuss anything about this really and mum with not discuss it at all with me but I am trying to work out how long I have left with her.

She sleeps all the time, maybe 18-20 hours a day, she's not eating anything much, just half a mug of soup as when she tries she just dry urges and can't keep it down (she is not vomiting, is just never makes it past her mouth) and she's not drinking much water. Shes also lost a lot of weight and muscle and is very week and frail. As a vibrant 65 year old this is the polar opposite to what she was like just 8 weeks ago.

The GP came today and has mentioned a palliative nurse coming and has also said he will start her on steroids. Horrid question but does this mean we are approaching the end? I feel I have no one to ask this question to as oncology are not really able to assist and my parent are not processing this is a vocal manner.

Thanks

UPDATE - 5/1/2020

So mums pretty much slept all day today and hasn't eaten anything or drank any water. Her breathing has quite long pauses between intakes. Is she approaching the end? 

Any advise would be appreciated.

  • Offline

    Hi there 

    how's your mum doing? My dads in the same boat. Stage 4 lung cancer which he's had for 3 years but had to stop immunotherapy in February. Over the last 7 weeks his health has massively declined and he's not eating, drinking water, peeing and just sleeping all day. He's now in hospital. I have no idea what to expect and very worried 

  • Offline in reply to hannahcr

    Hi Hannah,

    Sorry to hear that about your dad.

    Mum is still at home, we started her on steroids today and I not too sure if they work this quickly but she woke a little earlier and asked for some food. 

    When she is awake she seems switched on but is extremely weak. It's when she is sleeping and I look in on her I have to wait every time to double check she is breathing as her sleeping breaths are so long.

    The unknown is horrible, my father and I just do not know if we have days, weeks or months left as oncology are making us wait until next week to have a telephone appointment even though her health has rapidly declined in the past 4 days.

    At least we know she's not in pain.

     
     

     

  • Offline in reply to Paddy123456

    Yes exactly. My father isn't in pain either. The hard thing is that I'm in the uK and my dad lives in Atlanta so I'm playing guessing games in terms of exactly what is going on because im not sure he or my step mum want to give me a full picture. My dad sounded so bad on the phone two days ago , his throat/breathing didn't sound or normal. Is your mum still going to the loo? My dad didn't wee for days :( I googled all his symptoms yesterday and it really worried me that he's dying :( 

  • Offline in reply to hannahcr

    Same for me, I live in Amsterdam and mum is in the Uk, I luckily lost my job so have been able to come home and be here.

    Mum is still using the toilet and she went onto steroids today and I am already seeing her eating and drinking increase but this is all only because of the steroids. 

    I have also taken to google but I am blurred by the fact that she had immunotherapy 3 weeks ago and also has blood clots in her lungs and legs which are all causing her to be extremely sick so I cannot figure out if she's so bad because of the equmilation of all these factors or if this really is her final weeks. Our GP is attempting to have her first oncologist call us so we can hear the from them on expectancy. 
     

     

  • Offline in reply to Paddy123456

    I don't know your mums full situation obviously but I will tell you that immunotherapy is absolutely brilliant and my has kept my dad alive with stage 4 melanoma of the lungs for over 3 years. It's really hard but we must try and stay positive and strong. I was an absolute mess yesterday but I'm trying to be strong even though it's so hard because of the unknown. Your mum is in my thoughts x 

  • Offline in reply to hannahcr

    Mums has spread quite extensively I only found out today from our GP, from a leg tumour to the lungs, bowel, intestines, bones, diaphragm and brain. I only know they did the immunotherapy but not sure on next steps or if the therapy did anything. 
     

    Thinking of your dad also, as long as they are not in pain and are comfortable during this time is the most important I suppose. 

  • Offline in reply to Paddy123456

    Yes. Thank you for your wishes.

    Your mum sounds like a very strong lady. Keeping my hopes high that our parents will pull through this. 
    I'm only a message away if you need some support. X 

  • Offline in reply to hannahcr
    Hello How is your mum doing? My dads now in a hospice:(
  • Offline in reply to Paddy123456

    Hello how is your mum doing? My dad is now in hospice:(

  • Offline in reply to hannahcr

    Unfortunately mum passed on Thursday. 

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