Hi there, 

I'm writing this out of desperation in trying to figure out whether anyone else, as a loved one who lives with the cancer-sufferer, suffers from mental after-effects. There are not many forums for the children of cancer-sufferers.

My Dad has had Leukaemia for a few years now, and it suddenly progressed very quickly over last year and I had to balance studying with seeing him in hospital. He was in the hospital for most of the year and it was extremely stressful as he was around a half-hour drive away each time. When he was first diagnosed, I was 15 and now I'm 19. A year before this, my grandad died and so all I could think back to was the pain of my Grandad's death and could not mentally translate that to my own father dying so soon.  

I always get super anxious when I'm trying to sleep, as I think back to it and often get really upset even though he is okay now and things are looking positive. I feel sick when thinking of leaving my parents. I worry about anyone I love dying, as I had to consider it a possibility at the worst of my Dad's illness. I get irritable when I feel I'm not making the most of my life and have had a couple of meltdowns when looking at moving on with my education to do a degree apprenticeship...I don't know whether this connection makes sense but it is one that often arises. I feel as though by moving on with my life, I'm leaving my parents behind and it really really bothers me. I struggle to talk about it and get extremely emotional as I get flashbacks.

Even writing this the anxiousness is building. The pandemic hasn't been great as I haven't had many distractions to steer my mind away from the thoughts but it just causes me to get so anxious and I absolutely hate it. 

I'd love to hear from someone else who has experienced this or has a child who is going through the same. I'd appreciate the perspective of both sides. 

Thank you so much, any replies would be extremely appreciated. 

Jophee