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Mum age 61 with stage 4 lung cancer

Kelly.
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My mum has stage 4 lung cancer and has had chemotherapy and immunotherapy also cancer in her spine which she had radiotherapy for, she has just been in hospital with an infection and had 3 blood transfusions. Shes had a ct scan and treatment isn't working anymore, the treatment she has had made her so poorly so shes decided to have quality of life over quantity. 

Does anyone have any experience of this and the time scale they had with there loved ones? My mum is only 61 and im 40 and I am struggling to come to terms with this as my mum is my best friend xx 

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    Hi Kelly,

    Im sorry to hear this. I remember asking similar questions once my dad found out treatment for lung cancer was no longer an option. 
    He was told this end of September and died 1st December. I'm not wanting to worry you about time scales because he had lots of other problems too, so we knew it was coming eventually. It's all a guessing game, I thought he'd be with us at least in the new year but then the consulatant's estimate of 'a very small number of months' was correct. For some people however, this could be another six months and more. My dad was so strong and didn't want to let go, I think that's why I still feel in shock about how quickly he deteriorated.

    All I can say is that the nurses will keep your mum comfortable and you can be with her, unlike so many who have lost loved ones to covid. The hospice that helped dad were incredible. Like your mum, he chose quality of life.

    My dad was only 66, i'm 19 and he was everything to me. It's so hard because there's nothing I can say to change your situation, just be there for her. I'm sorry I don't know what else to say, I just really feel your pain.

    Nancy x

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    Hi Kelly, 

    I went through something similar, my dad aged 63 diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer and given 2 months. He decided to opt out of treatment and come home for end of life care. It was the best decision as it meant me and my sister were able to care for him 24/7. He didn't want any carers but us so we provided all his personal care along with everything else. The nurses and cancer support nurse will call out and help you, we got given 2 months (they are not often wrong with timescales). What I will mention is that dad didn't want to eat and this affected me and my sister more than it did him, we couldn't bare him not eating :(! The nurses did reassure us but it was hard to watch him! Just cherish every moment, what I loved to do was lye in beside my dad and just chat and hold his hand. Missing him so much :( I am only 26 and he passed in October xx

  • Offline in reply to nancyelizabeth

    Hi Nancy,

    Thank you for your reply, im so sorry for your loss especially with how young you are. Its so heartbreaking to see them suffering isn't it? I just wish I could take my mums pain away. 

    Take care xx

  • Offline in reply to Rebeccaharley

    Thank you for your reply, 

    My mum won't eat either shes living on cereal and soup, shes always been a big lady and now the weight is dropping off her, its heartbreaking . Its so lovely you could care for your dad and be there in his final days. 

    Take care xx

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    Hi Kelly,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I hope she's feeling a little better now she's out of hospital.

    My Dad is also 61 and went through a similar process with lung cancer which had spread to his spine and bones. His chemo/immunotherapy was stopped at the beginning of this year because of damage to his kidneys, but his cancer was stable. He had been doing really well without treatment until the end of October, when he had a mild seizure. Sadly his cancer had spread to his brain. The doctors told him then that nobody lives longer than 3 months with metastatic brain cancer like his. It's been about 2 months but you'd never know he was so ill by looking at him - he's still up and about and drinking wine with me regularly! I'm 27 and I moved home in November to help look after him.

    Sadly we all know his time is limited now, but I am so grateful to have spent the last couple of months with him. When he was having treatment he was so ill, he could barely even speak. It was horrible for everyone. We don't do anything out of the ordinary and we don't act like everyday is his last healthy day, I think that would be too hard. We just have dinner, watch tele, etc. 

    He does have bad days and when he does Macmillan and the district nurses are an amazing help.

    I know everyone is different but I just wanted to let you know that things haven't been as bad as I imagined they were going to be. Not yet, anyway. Somehow you just get through. 

    All the best to you and your mum xxx

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