MGM and I dated for  5 years had wonderful holidays and lived between 2 housesWe had a wonderful friendship and sex lifeI went into shielding because I had Respiratory conditions although mild and we are both 68 and fit and we decided to try to live togetherI am a nurrse and was still working part time

2 months into  this MGM was diagnosed with a Multiform Stage 4 GLIOBLASTOMA  Stage 4 located on both sides of the brain and was large and CentralWe are now 6 months later on high dose steroidsThe Palliative care Team are brilliant and Cognitively MGM is declining both in psychological and Physical abilities His memory is very short term and cannot locate rooms or functional abilities like where the toilet is and how to use itBut he is not incontinent

I guess the hardest part is loosing part of MGM each dayOur relationship has changed  my nursing hat is on most of the time As his partner I now find my role as his partner is still very loving with kisses and cuddles but am unable to find the electricity we used to have in our personal relationship We have talked about this and I can only say his drugs will affect him and he had  fitYesterday we both admitted  we miss sex but I know  having experienced anabusive marriage. I cannot  try sex with him anymoreAm I selfish , am I cruel   I know I still love him and care deeply for him I hope to keep him at home and all his family and friends say he is well looked afterMGM was given 6 months which we have reached and Christmas looms

Does any one understand the way I feel?