Hello,

My father who lives in Belgium was diagnosed with very late stage 4 lung cancer 3 weeks ago, gone unnoticed because of another condition and associated medication & side effects... His has one 10 cm tumour in one lung, metastases in the other lung, in his liver, kidneys, and a 2.5 cm one in his brain which we are told is growing rapidly. He eats very little (less than 500 cal a day and none if he had his way), he sleeps the majority of the day and when he is awake, he is very confused, short term memory very poor (he forgets that I have spent the whole day with him then tells my mum he is sad he hasn't seen me at all that day) and sometimes also quite lucid but always struggles to talk in sentences and can't complete them. He has lost 25 pounds in the last three weeks, sometimes struggles to control his bladder... basically it's aggresive and it's not looking good. 

BUT... he is starting his first round of chemo today, he has been admitted as he is too poorly to attend a walk-in clinic and he will be there for 4-5 days to check his body can tolerate his first round. So I am taking this opportunity to head back home (UK) for a few days and will then return on Friday this week (I am not subject to travel ban because of compassionate grounds). His oncologist isn't being as detailed as we would like him to be and I have a few questions which maybe some of you, those with experience of this, could help with:

1. Is his oncologist filling him with hope and are we using up precious time doing Chemo which realistically may not have an impact? 

2. The oncologist said that chemo for small cell lung cancer no longer creates nausea and other typical associated side effects... and yet I read everywhere that side effects for chemo are still significant. If there are side effects, how long after the treatment do these usually kick in?

3. We are ordering a medical bed for him as the marital bed is no longer safe (he tries to get out during the night, then falls), how do we manage care during the night when he needs to wee but we can't be awake all of the time? Is there a website or some advice I can find with regards to care-giving at home? A nurse comes to visit him once a day at the moment to help with washing him as he can no longer have a bath or shower safely.

4. Lastly, considering it has got so far into the disease, can chemo realistic reverse the damage done enough for him to get back a semblance of a half decent life for the next few months (we've been given 6-12 months although our GP who visits him daily keeps talking in terms of "weeks")...

I feel like my mum and I are being given mixed messages all the time (or perhaps grief is making me too demanding with everyone) (I know doctors and nurses are really quite amazing and hard working human beings).

Anyway, sorry for the long ramble and for all these questions. I am just so exhausted and whilst I don't want him to be in hospital for too long, it's such a relief not to have to worry 24h of whether he is wandering off, or soiling himself or getting too sad when he forgets me. 

Thanks in advance for your comments (if you have any!)

E