Hi this is my first ever time on this page and I am trying to find a way to deal with all my Emotions, thoughts and feelings.

 my dad got diagnosed with esophagus cancer 1 1/2 years ago, he has over come so much and been so strong  with 2 lengthy courses of chemo and 1 major surgery to remove the esophagus, we found out after such a long hard fight that it has spread to other places of the body and has been given the 6 months - 1 year and he is now on palitive care. In such a short amount of time he has deteriorated and it's happening all in front of my eyes so fast but seems like it's in slow motion. 

I am a single parent to a very full of life 2 year old and I am struggling with the fact of that my dad has made the decision to not live with me and stay at home where he lives alone. my mum and dad are divorced and dad did not re marry and I have a brother but is absolutely useless and runs away from everything and my dad has no other family here. I don't know where to start. 

he is currently in hospital and I have been trying everything I can to get all the right things in place for when he's home I just can't bear the thought of him sitting there alone knowing he is dieing. ( he has never accepted the thought of this cancer actually taking his life till now )

his pain management is not under control properly yet and I think he was holding on the idea of palitive chemo being his last chance and hoping it would give him longer but they have said he is not medically fit enough at this moment. They are going to try over the next 6 weeks to do everything they can to get him fit enough but I just have this feeling inside me that he is going to get a lot worse very quick.

how do I cope? What are good coping mechanisms? I don't think counciling would benefit me ! And I don't actually have time. Being in the moment and being busy with organising and helping to do things is keeping me going but it's once my sons gone to bed and it's just me sat with my thoughts I find so hard, how do you come to terms with the idea of not having your dad around any more, or watching him suffer in pain every day, or that my son is going to grow up not knowing who he was, the biggest male influence in his life. I don't know where to turn ! And my dad struggles to talk about his emotion to me. I am just tying to do everything I can to make him feel as comfortable as possible.