My mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in January 2019, 10 years after we thought she had successfully beaten it. It has spread to her hip, spine and recently 3 spots were found on her liver. She's currently having weekly chemotherapy. Before COVID I would travel from London every month to see her and give her support. My way of dealing with it has always been to be involved with my mother's care as much as possible. 

However, recently I seem to be finding it more difficult to cope with. I find myself worrying about when my mother's Consultant will say there is nothing more that can be done for her, despite there being no indication this will happen any time soon. I have bubbled up with my mum, but due to my work as a nurse I obviously have been cautious about seeing her. 

I can't describe how painful it is to watch your mother and best friend slowly deteriorate and not know how much time you have left with them. I feel like I am already grieving her, even though she is still alive. If anyone is in a similar situation and has any helpful suggestions for how to stay positive I would be very grateful.