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Secondary Liver Cancer

Neena
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Hello, my husband was diagnposed with bowel cancer just over 4 years ago. It had been 3 years of ops; ileostomy reversal and then then revesed again, infections resulting from a fistula, dvt, Gall blader inflmation/stones. All related to his ileostomy/bowel cancer. Just when we thought we were finally having some breathing space and thinking we were over the worst, in June 2019, following his routine scans, we were told he now had liver cancer. Another op to drain the fistula (sepsis infections etc he finallly started chemo treatment in October. After just one one session he fell ill, he had blood clots on his lungs. The treatment was stopped and we were informed that nothing could be done. A couple of months late(late Decembe) my husband was put on chemo treatment again. This time he completed 3 (of the 4)  cycles before he fell ill again. Once again we were told that nothing could be done. Then the pandemic kicked in............ after a wait of 4 months the chemo resumed but after just one session, despite us both sheilding, we contracted Covid. The chemo stopped and again we have been told that this is it; no more treatment. I feel we have been abandoned.

 

My husband is weak, he has lost a lot of weight in this short time. He is in pain and doesn't sleep too well at night. He doens't seem to have much energy and he has a very small appetite. I encourage him to eat little and often and I feel he resents me for this someimes. I try and take care of him the best I can; helping him feel comfortable, caed for and most importantly, loved. Contacting his GP surgery for varying condition changes; aches, pains, swelling etc is a stressful task. They don't listen, they are rude unhelpful and have a 'don't care attitude' and this is before you even get to speak to the GP. When you take the matter up with the GP they tell you their staff are under pressure and facing challenges due to the pandemic! 

 

I care for my husband and try to stay psoitive and ecourage him to eat, maybe take short walks in the garden; I walk with him and keep in touch with hi family and friends, not always easy. I am looking for changes to see how I can help/support him better. As time goes on I am not sure what I should look for. 

 

This pandemic is a challenge for all in varying ways. We only know about our own challenges and how we are affected by them. it is a lonley place when you are having to sheild/ilsolate, can't have family or friends over to cheer up or support you when things are so over and above a challenge. Can't head out anywhere to see anyone or for a change of scenery either because, as in my husband's case he is not strong enough (and has no interest) or because there is nowhere you feel safe enough to go; to stop off for a drink or a meal or use the basic facilities (lavatory). And as we drift slowly in to the Winter months, there is nowhere appealing enough to go to.

 

Staying, or trying my best to, strong and hope others who are going through the same or similar continue with the stamina and repeat moded resilience that we will contiue to need in bucket loads to get thorugh the double edged open-ended challenges. Whilst feeling very abandoned, this will not help myhusband and I get through this never before thougt or imagined time. 

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    Hi Neena

     

    I feel your pain and it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job caring for your husband.   I am in a similar position as my husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer 28 months ago.  He has endured horrible surgeries, radiotherapy, chemotherapy and immunotherapy which were working until recently.  However, his cancer is now beginning to grow quickly and the outlook is not looking too good. 

    I think you are right about Covid and cancer.  It does make everything doubly difficult.  We havent been anywhere in months and my husband is becoming too weak to want to do anything now.   I have finished work to care for him but to be honest I feel pretty useless most of the time!  It is so difficult watching someone you love suffer. 

    Like you I don't know what to look out for or whether I'm doing the right thing.  We will get through this terrible time even though sometimes the pressure to be everything to everyone is too much.  Look after yourself Neena.

  • Offline in reply to Kitty1965

    Dear Kitty,

     

    Thank you for your reply. I'm so sorry to learn that you are going through somthing similar too. I say similar as we own our situations but are in the unfortuate position of being able to gage an understanding of other's as we go thorugh our own. 

     

    My husband's cancer has grown in the last few months too. It went from being around 3cm from June '19 to aorund 10cm in June '20. Then following his first, and only, chemo session in July, he was hospitalised twice. On our oncology, second opion, appointment we were offered a view of the August scan. My husband didn't want to see it but I did; just to get an understanding of what exactly we were dealing wtih. I veiwed it on my own. I can't begin to tell you how horrified I was to learn that it had now affeccted over 40% of my husband's liver.

     

    Can't make sense of it but I guess that's the devious nature of Cancer. I questioned my self so many times over what we might have been doing wrong and how, perhaps, we could slow it down. 

     

    Its so hard seeing someone you have loved for so many years suffering and slowly retiring into a shell. I work full-time and have thought since July about giving up work so that my husband can be my sole focus. I work from home and my workplace have been very understanding. They are conciously not putting much in the way of work my way so it is much easier for me to be with him. 

     

    I'm sure you are the same; I wake up before him and don't go to bed until he does which is sometimes, because of his discomfort not until around 2am. We do what we do because we love and care.  

     

    My husband is my life and as inevitable as it may be, I try not to look past the present. 

     

    Please take care of yourself too Kitty ....... times are hard in so many more ways than I had ever thought would be possible. 

     

    I'm here if you ever want to chat. X

  • Offline in reply to Neena

    Hi Neena

    Thank you for your kind reply.  Try to stay hopeful.  When my husband was diagnosed 28 months ago he was only given a few months to live.   I was devastated!! Fortunately for me (maybe not for him) I have managed to persuade him to have all of the surgeries and treatment offered and he is still here today.  I was most hopeful when he had 25% of his liver removed and was declared cancer free.  This, however, last 4 weeks before they told us that as his liver had regrown so had the cancer and that it has spread to his lungs.

    Its feels like a long journey and like you say it has been so hard along the way.  

    My hubby also does not like to look at the scans, never has.  He does not like to get his hopes up.

    Thank you for chatting to me.  I am finally having to come to terms with the fact that the treatment options for him are coming to an end unless he gets put on a trial.

    The treatments are harsh Neena but try to keep him going if you can because you will have so much more time together.

    Best wishes to you both. x

  • Offline in reply to Kitty1965

    Dear Kitty, 

    I am sorry to hear about your long and painful journey.

    I think we are also in a simlar positon. My husband has never been offered surgery for his liver cancer; first the cancer had grown over the right artery and then, when we were giveh he news of 'no more treatment for you' we had been informed that the cancer had now grown over the left artery too. 

    I do try and stay hopeful but I also recognise that we have probably come to the end of our hope trail. I see my husband drifting and I may sometimes get a llitle anoyed with him when he is reluctant to eat/drink or maybe a little sharp with me. I tell myself its not him its his illness.

    For his comfort we sleep in seperate rooms, have done for a long while now, but no matter what sort of day we've had, late at night when he finally goes to bed, he likes me to lay with him until he drifts off to sleep. But when he gets into bed the first thing he does is feel around for my hand and squeezes it. I forget all his sharpness any secret annoyance I may have had.

    With my husbands recent op, drainingg the sepsis from his bowel cancer, tumour removal site, he has become even more infirm. The idea of this op was to prevent the infections and possiblly put him back on the chemo treatment but the oncologist doesn't seem to be interested. The other reason was to prevent the recocurance of the infection, stopping him from repeatedly being hospitalised and be able to have some quality of life.

    Chemo would be a bonus although not sure how my husband would deal with it in his current condition but i'm trying to do all I can to give him the best quality of life I can.   

    On one of his last scans they also deicsovered a growth in his lungs. They didn't explore this as I guess they thought he already has enough going on. 

    Its hard coming to terms with the facts and while you are, please take care of yourself. The treatments are indeed harsh but so is watching someone you love and care for so dearly going through it too.

    Here for chat anytime........ I know you are taking great care of your husband but please take of yourself too,

    X  

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