Hi Charlie,

Has your mum been told what type or grade of cancer she has? Nursing someone at the end of life can be quite a challenge, especially when that person is your mum. It is only natural that your Mum will try to protect you. I have been through this with my own mum when her breast cancer spread to her brain, bones, liver and lungs. I have also been through this with other relatives and all were slightly different. Do you have any other family who could share this task with you, or will you be coping all on your own?

If you intend to do this alone, I suggest that you ask for details of carers in your area (From your hospital or GP). We had carers coming in 3-4 times a day for my mother-in-law. They looked after her personal needs which gave us more quality time with her.  Looking after a loved one 24 hours a day is really draining. If you ask at the hospital, they should be able to refer you to MacMillan. Their nurses are well trained in all aspects of cancer care and, by sitting with your mum at night, you can get a good night's sleep. This helps you to deal with all the other things that need to be done throughout the day.

There are a number of free booklets on secondary cancer and palliative care. Ask your mum's care team if they can provide any of these - most can.

It is usually a good idea to arrange power of attorney for your mum, as there is no telling how her cancer will affect her in her final days. This means that you can then take over legal responsibility

for your mum's needs. It also means that her doctors can discuss her medical details with you. The other way to discover the truth of your mum's prognosis is to ask her tto tell her care team that she is happy for them to share her medical details with you. You will also need to keep in close contact with her GP and either the practice or district nurse. They may want your mum to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate). This means that if your mum should stop breathing, they will not try to revive her and keep her alive, when there is no hope of betterment. Her care team should be able to arrange for her to have a hospital bed at home and can arrange to have this delivered.

You may also find that eating becomes a problem. If this happens a dietician can prescribe build up drinks and puddings which are easy to digest. Incontinence can also occur, whether single or double. Your GP can prescribe pads to cope with this, but this can still involve a lot of extra washing.

Sadly, it is impossible to predict what your mum may need as every cancer is individual to the person who has it. If you go to the blue search bar at the top of this page, you will find other posts from people who have been or are in your position. You will also find guidance on the Cancer Research Website.

This will be a heart breaking journey for you. Do your best to spend time with your mum. Talk to her - don't leave anything left unsaid. Keep her as comfortable as you can and see if there is anyone she wants to see or anything she wants to do. If so, do your best to facilitate this.

It will be a hard and tiring time, but you will find the strength to do this.

Chances are that you may not need all of these facilities, as I have just attempted to give a general overview of what you might face.

Please keep in touch. We are always here for both of you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx