Hi All, my Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to his lymph nodes last October so a year ago now, it has also spread to his brain with he has recently had targeted radiotherapy on to try and blast the small tumour. I'm finding it hard dealing with my emotions right now I'm like a rollercoaster one up week one down or one down day one up day and the person I am I hold everything in so I don't really give myself a chance to understand it all. Obviously I know my Dad is terminal and the treatment is only prolonging his life but I still find myself confused. I don't understand how long we have etc? It's so hard to deal with as really I feel so sad to loose my dad but there's just nothing we can do. I feel so sorry for him and wonder how the hell he feels deep down inside I just wish I could take it away from him. Then it's like in my head I know I need to spend as much time possible with him but at the same time I'm so depressed about it and I just cry all the time when I do allow myself to be in reality with it. I'm also very angry like where I hold things in I've had episodes where I have burst over smaller things. I've always read people posts on here and come back again to understand what's happening if that makes sense just to be able to relate to someone else helps. 

Im also sorry to anyone that's found themselves here.