Hello Ward44202

I'm sorry to hear that your Mum is going through treatment for breast cancer at the moment. It's obviously a very difficult time for you all and I can understand why it is adding to your worries about going to University. 

I would certainly speak to someone at Uni to let them know about your Mum. You won't be the first student to have been in this position and I'm sure that they will be able to let you know what support is available on campus if you need it. 
It understandable that you're feeling worried about what may happen to your Mum whilst you're away. I'd really encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with her. It may be difficult and upsetting but I'm sure that your Mum would want to know how you're feeling and I'm confident that she would be able to give you some reassurance about things. It would probably stop her worrying about you going to Uni as well if she knew that you had had that conversation beforehand. 

There are a lot of changes happening in your life at the moment and it's natural to be worried about some of them so keep talking to those around you - to your family, friends and loved ones. And of course if it helps for you to talk about your concerns about Mum's diagnosis and treatment then you're welcome to keep posting here on the forum. 

Best wishes and good luck with your move to university! 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

Hi Ward,

Welcome to our forum, although I'm sorry to hear why you've joined us.

I was in a similar position to your Mum 11 years ago when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It came as a terrible shock, as I had always been very fit and healthy.

My son was just about to start university that year and his university was about 4 hours away from home. I had a lumpectomy and then took Tamoxifen for a year. I became very tired, over emotional, had hot flushes and a raft of side-effects, but not for one minute did I want him to defer his place. 

How will your Mum cope? Well that is a difficult question to answer, as we all react differently to our individual cancers. A lot will depend upon the type of breast cancer she has, as some are more aggressive than others. It will also depend on the grade and stage of her cancer and whether it is Her2 positive or negative. Your Mum's age and general health can also affect the outcome.

However, having said all that. A cancer diagnosis is not necessarily a death sentence. You would have to be incredibly unlucky for your farewell when you leave for uni to be your last one.

I was unfortunate enough to discover a second lump  a year later and had a double mastectomy followed by Letrozole for 6 years. I won't pretend that it was all a breeze, because it wasn't. There were some tricky times for all of us as a family.

However, I am still here 11 years on, living a good quality of life. In the intervening time, I have seen both of my children graduate, attended both of their weddings, welcomed grandchildren, etc - and, I wouldn't have missed these events for the world!

It is certainly a good idea to let your university know of the circumstances you're dealing with from the outset.

If you are only three hours away from home, you can always pop home for the occasional weekend (once this awful pandemic dies down), so it's not as if you are moving to the other side of the world.

I sincerely hope that all goes well for your Mum. This is a scary time, but she will pull through it.

Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine