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Esophageal cancer my nephew

Kernowgirl124
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30. 8.20

Hi. My Nephew Paul aged 53 was diagnosed with Stage4 E.C. on 20th August after drastic weightless and terrible pain in his gullet..not eating..bad painful reflux hence avoiding pain when trying to eat and the weightloss. .. The 10cm tumour is at the join to his stomach and spread to his liver and lymph nodes so he is in a really bad way. I have been staying with him for nearly 2 weeks and he has lost 8lbs since coming home from hospital on 20th...tried soft food but still too painful... He has bad sweats  then shivering freezing cold.  Am his Aunt aged 69 but starting to feel the stress and as I sleep on his sofa in his one bed flat..it's not the most comfy for me but I've managed.. Washing. Ironing. Cleaning. Changed his bed 4 times since he came home and tried to tempt him with soft food but nearly 7 days and he still can't eat so very weak and only now weighs about 9 and a half stones.from nearly 14st 7lns over 5 years ago...he sees the oncologist on Tuesday appointment for his biopsy results and as he was given the news as  terminal....whether chemo may  help for some more time for him....I have to go home on Wednesday as I live just over an hour away so his sister will be coming over to help him but has her job and family so can't be here with him like me everyday at the moment... I honestly don't think it will be good news from the hospital on Tuesday and there could be talk of Hospice care which he dreads but he is highly paranoid. anxious. very angry. having panic attacks and moans in pain so bad.. is thinking he has years yet which I myself think..... it's only a matter of weeks or a few short months am truly sad to say.  He has morphine and other meds to help with the pain and he is a smoker which has not helped am sure.....now we wait to see what happens from oncology... I myself have accepted that the inevitable is going to happen soon but how do others cope with something so dire in life?  Inside my heart is breaking for him but outside I compose myself and stay calm for him...I never expected to be losing my nephew before me.....and only 6 years ago he lost his sister to breast cancer and also lost his Mum in 2005 to bowel cancer so not good memories for our family... I just pray it will be easy and pain free at the end.... Cancer is a terrible disease and when I can I donate what I can afford. ...I pray God will help my Nephew and all of those going through theses awfully stressful times and also give him an "easy ride home" eventually.... I also thank the NHS for their marvelous commitment to us all.... God bless....

  • Hello Kernowgirl124

    I'm sorry to read about your nephew's recent diagnosis. I'm sure it has been an incredibly difficult time for you all. 

    How did the appointment with the Oncologist go today? I hope that you and your nephew were able to explain some of the problems that he's living with at the moment and that the hospital were able to offer some support. It may be that some time in hospital or a hospice will help to get his pain levels better controlled. 

    I can see from your post that you're due to go home tomorrow but I wondered if you'd find it helpful to talk to one of our nurses for some advice and support. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. Often talking to someone not directly involved in the situation can really help so do give them a call. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator

     

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    He will start chemo next week to try to shrink the tumour....he has antacids for digestion of food, an anesthetic medicine to numb the oesophagus so he can get food down....in 2-3 weeks he should be able to eat better... gain some weight and feel stronger....

    Life expectancy if the treatment works is up to 2 years so we all hope for him now. He is also going on Herceptin but my friend had chemo and she was very sick so am hoping my nephew copes with all side effects as they can make you feel awful... fingers crossed and yes am driving home on Thursday...need my own bed as sleeping on the sofa and it's not helping my back.... 

    My Niece, Paul's  sister will continuse to check on him and be there for him when I go home.....

  • Offline in reply to Kernowgirl124

    Hi all, am heartbroken as my nephew Paul deteriorated very fast and was moved to the hospice on 22nd September from hospital after a fall at home...A CT scan showed 3 cracked ribs and the cancer had spread to his ribs and spine... He was in a lot of pain and once moved to the hospice they were wonderful and got his pain under control... He went downhill fast and a syringe driver was put in...sadly he passed away on Sunday morning 4th October at 6.28am which was a happy release as he was so weak, thin and frail...bless him.... it's been a long time and I thank God he has finally got peace and no more pain....thanks for this page, it does help to talk....Rest in Peace my lovely Paul.. so sad you left us aged 53 years old. ..gone too soon....God bless xx

    From diagnosis to Paul passing he lived another 6 weeks and 3 days........shame he still had so many plans and things he wanted to do.....bless him...

  • Offline in reply to Kernowgirl124

    Hi there, so sorry to hear of your nephews passing at such a young age, especially after it looked like things might be more hopeful with treatment. You did such a lot for him I'm sure he massively appreciated the help and support. It must've been such a shock given his young age to lose him like that so quickly but it would've been a happy release as you say since he was already in so much pain and then to find out the cancer is in the ribs and spine it can progress to be very very painful (my dad had that from prostate cancer for close to 2 years and at times it was agony). It's so hard to see someone you love in pain and so weak and thin. I'm glad the hospice were able to get his pain under control towards the end.

     

    Please look after yourself now after all you've been through, it is so hard on family to see someone go through all that and you did such a lot for him I'm sure it must've taken a lot out of you. Hope you have some support to get through your grief, this site is great for support too, take care x

  • Offline in reply to cantmoveon

    Thankyou for you kind words, he was terrified of dying and we all tried to keep up his moral....sadly with his pain and not eating for some weeks he faded very fast as the cancer was so aggressive...but his passing was peaceful and with dignity...and his dear sister was with him from Thursday lunchtime until he passed at 6.28am Sunday morning, she would not leave him....and held his hand till the end which was very special....We like to think he is now reunited with our loved ones in heaven...he had a good heart and did many lovely things for others....and he grieved terrible after his Mum passed in 2005 from bowel cancer so he will be back in her arms now....

  • Offline in reply to Kernowgirl124

    HI,

    I have read your posts as we are in the Oesophogeal club ):

    Depite your nephew dying, what a lovely, caring, and touching end you gave him.  He sounds as thought he was tucked up in a blanket of love at the end.  You should feel really proud of that.

    I remember in my younger days feeling 'pertrified' of death, then about 10 yrs ago i was working with a Zimbabwean lady who said " death is a normal part of life  and will effect us all someday, it is about the most certain thing we all know" , for some reason i have remembered that and it has really really given me comfort- i can't tell you why- it just 'normalised' it for me.

    Sure, when someone dies one misses them dreadfully, but giving someone a 'nice' end is something that the hospice movment has achieved and you sound very much like you gave your nephew a 'nice' death.   Never let go of that fact , and as painful as it is now, further down the road you can look back and hopefully feel some comfort in knowing that.

  • Offline in reply to Kernowgirl124

    I'm sure that was a big comfort for his sister to be with him-glad the hospice allowed her to do that with the current situation. I think we all have that fear of dying, the end is usually very peaceful and natural though isn't it, they know they are ready to go. Sounds like he was a lovely guy, you are right he be back with his mum now x

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