Tough time

Hi

The past three years have been some of the worst in my life. In 2017 my dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer, he sadly passed away in March 2018. In the same month as my dad died my husband of 35years was diagnosed with motor neurone disease, I watched a very fit man fade away before my eyes. I spent the last few months of 2019 being his full time carer. He sadly passed away in February this year.

 

The day after his funeral my mum was told she had bowel and secondary liver cancer which had spread to far to be treated other than with palliative care. Then lockdown began. Before her diagnosis and lockdown we were planning to go on holiday and make a few happy memories together.

 

Over the last few months I have been watching an extremely active women fade away. She absolutely hates it as she has hardly ever been ill. During the last few weeks she has stopped getting up and spends all her time in bed. At the start of this week she told my brother and I that she no longer wants food and that she has had enough and can't go on. I am now caring for her full time but hoping to sort out a package of care soon.

 

Find it all very hard as it brings back memories of looking after my husband.

 

Writing this has helped me.

 

 

  • Hello Swashb, 

    Oh poor you. What a tough time you've had in the last three years. It must have felt like one thing after another: first your dad, then having to look after your husband and then finding out just one day after your husband's funeral that your mum has been diagnosed with bowel cancer. It's really sad too that lockdown got in the way and prevented you from going on holiday and having a nice break from everything with your mum. 

    It must be hard too to find yourself again in the position of being a carer so soon after caring for your husband. There is helpful information on our website for family, friends and caregivers which you can read here. It is important too that you take time to breathe a little, recharge your batteries and take care of yourself as you will see on this page. I hope you manage to sort out that care package soon. I can imagine this is all so hard for you and that it is bringing back vivid memories of your husband. I hope you have some good support around you and if you ever need to talk to others who understand what you are going through at the moment having been in a similar place before themselves, don't hesitate to come on the forum - it is a great place to offload and feel that you are not alone. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator