Hi there ... and welcome to our little chat room...

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... it's the hardest part .. waiting for a plan, and answers .. and I'm sure your hubby will be in a bit of shock at the moment ... believe me, the moment wer told .. our "normal" word is no more ... everything changes ... where we've always had control over our lives and choices where in our hands ... it's all taken away ... and we have to get on the cancer rollercoaster... give over control and choices into their hands ..

All we can do is hold on tight and the rollercoaster of emotion rolls on ... emotions go from being positive to utter desolation in minutes ... and no one can tell us when or if we can get off ... but just remember there's loads of us on there with him .. if he looks round wer all there ...

What you can do, is only my ideas and my expierance ... is remember there's nothing you can say to take it away or make it better .. he may need time on his own, to get his own head round what's happening to him ... I took a couple of days locked away , cussing and crying .. got it out of my system and realised it made me feel better, but no amount of tears will change things .. so my daughter in law said no more what ifs...and no more panicking..or looking ahead ... well take each problem as and when it comes up.. and we'll do it together ... best advice ever ..

So I put on a pair of pink vertual boxing gloves... got in the ring .. looked it in the eye and told cancer I was gonna kick it's butt ... it's not about winning or losing.... it's about knowing it's scary but doing it any way ... that's brave ...

But you can tell him , your scared too .. and it's all new to you on how to help him .. but say you'll support all he wants to do or feel .. you'll walk this journey with him .. tell him if he wants space .. you'll give him that .. if he wants to talk ... you'll LISTEN ... it's o.k for both of you to feel angry, or cry or cuss or even laugh at things along the way ... but listening is the best thing .. once you realise you can't take it away... but you can hold his hand ... that helped me ... let him take the lead ... it gives him back a bit of control .. and don't worry, you will get things wrong .. it will be hard on you both .. but sticking together and allowing each other to feel whatever you feel ... Will make you stronger to stay on that rollercoaster together ... Chrissie xu

Thank you so much for replying to my post and thank you for the advice like you said we have to take it one day at a time I think when things are a lot clearer on Monday we can learn how to deal with this together the not knowing is worst of all xxx