Hello my love

I'm so sorry to hear what you, your boyfriend you his family are going through. 
 

I wanted to give some advice as the person with a sibling with cancer. I'm trying to navigate my relationship and I know my partner has it hard since everyone involved bears the brunt of this illness. 

Here's in insight into what he's going through based on what I did. I can only imagine your boyfriend is still in a state of shock, time only started moving for me in the past month or so, before that it was frozen. 
He will be going through pain and turmoil, helplessness and lots of other emotions, sadness, anger and a constant sick feeling of what the future may hold.

When we get bad news I'm in a state of shock for a couple of weeks after, so I can relate to his need for cannabis as an escape.
 

6 months after my sister was diagnosed I gave my partner the option to leave, I said I'm going to be having a lot of breakdowns (which I do) and this will be something he will have to live with forever. He takes the brunt and frustrations of my emotions. At first i was frustrated he wasn't say 'the right things'. 
 

We sat down and I told him exactly what I needed him to say and not to say. 
 

It sounds like your other half is going through the turmoil of the initial shock and bad news that his mum has been receiving and men are generally less likely to show their emotions. 
 

You could try getting him to open up, leave the door open for him to come to you whenever he needs to. If you feel like your relationship is not 'functioning' in the way it should beyond the situation I'd talk to him and possibly even support from a far if things are that bad. I say this because this is what I'd expect my partner to do in the instance he's tried and I'm not responding. 

Otherwise all you can do is be patient and there for him, which it sounds like you're doing. He sounds like he's self distructing to cover the pain. 
 

Sorry I can't be much help but I hope you can take something from my experience 

Hi Aaronnnn,

Welcome to our forum. I am so sorry to hear of the awful time that you're having with your boyfriend, following his mam's diagnosis. You are right, his head will be all over the place and, it sounds as if he doesn't know what he wants himself. This is not unusual when trying to cope with this type of sad news.

I would imagine that smoking cannabis may also be playing a part in his mood changes and, although I understand why he is taking this, he will cope better in the long run if he stops taking it. It sounds as if you are doing all you can. You have let him know that you are there for him. Continue to let him know this, but maybe take a step back for a short while and let him come to you. When he does, ask some gentle probing questions about what his mam's diagnosis means

Maybe try and read a little on a reputable cancer site about her grade and type of lung cancer - not the internet!

Has your boyfriend considered counselling? A number of cancer organisations offer this free of charge to relatives and, it can be a great help. I know that men are often reluctant to avail of these services, but they are very worthwhile. My hubby found them very useful after I was diagnosed, as I was an absolute banshee for the first few months. There was just no living with me!

I hope that instead of fighting his mam's situation he can turn his attitude around to being more positive for his mam's sake, as well as your relationship. Try to persuade him to make memories with his mam while he can. Persuade him to be as supportive and positive as he can be for her. It is hard to lose a loved one at any age, but even harder when he is still young. A positive attitude will help you all to move forward. Does he have any other family members for support?

I hope that, with the passage of time, things will settle between you both and that they will still be able to treat his mam's cancer.

Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.
Kind regards,

Jolamine xx