Rant

I don't like to think about myself as self indulgent. I rarely post on social media.

I want to talk to my friends about this, but no matter how good they are to me and how much they care, its not for them to bare my families burden... so i'll write it here, with no intention of anyone seeing it or replying. I almost think i'd prefer it that way.

 

6 months ago I'm in the living room arguing with my mum about a job im applying for and my dad is sitting on the sofa not weighing in, he's been like this for a while. Not responding properly, ignoring me, it annoys me. He's always been the rock in my family, and he's not telling either of us to shut up. I think it's becuase he's fallen out with me, he's been like this for a few weeks. 

 

A few weeks later mum and dad come to watch me play rugby, she texts me before 'saying take dad for a beer'. I see her after the game crying with a family friend from the rugby team. 

 

Two days later i'm told he has brain cancer.

 

6 months down the line, (post-radiotherapy) today, we take him for a drive through the countryside something we've always enjoyed. I KNOW HE'S IN THERE! I know that the non-sense he says means something, but i'm slowly losing my ability to speak his language. I left the house after dinner and he said he loved me.

 

My heart aches for the loss I am yet to go through.

  •  

    Hi WishIWasStronger,

    I am so sorry to hear that you ae going through this heartbreak at the moment. I have lost both parents, several relatives and close friends to cancer and have had 2 bots myself in the past 11 years. This is such a difficult time for you and your mum. It is always difficult to talk with friends about this, as they possibly don't understand how upsetting this is if they have no experience of cancer. Many of us find that our friends slowly disappear when we get a cancer diagnosis, but you will find that others may surprise you and really step up to the mark.

    I read your post and am aware of your words  "so i'll write it here, with no intention of anyone seeing it or replying. I almost think i'd prefer it that way". Unfortunately, I see this more as a cry for help and, just want to let you know that we are always here for you. Many of us are not keen to go on a public forum, but find that it is easier to talk to strangers, who appreciate what you are going through, as they are either going through a similar experience or they have already gone through something similar.

    It sounds as if you are going to need to become 'the rock' in the family to help your parents through  this. It is not unusual for us to start to grieve for the person we're losing before they've already been lost to us.

    Try to support your parents as much as possible during this time and, if at all possible, try to make some memories together as a family. Your dad is still in there. Let him know how much you love him. Remember that, even if he seems asleep, hearing is one of the last senses to go, so talk to him, even if he is incapable of replying. I am sure he will feel reassured to know that you are still with him right to the end.

    I do hope that you find the strength to get through this awul time. Remember that we are always here for you, so please keep in touch.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx