I don't like to think about myself as self indulgent. I rarely post on social media.
I want to talk to my friends about this, but no matter how good they are to me and how much they care, its not for them to bare my families burden... so i'll write it here, with no intention of anyone seeing it or replying. I almost think i'd prefer it that way.
6 months ago I'm in the living room arguing with my mum about a job im applying for and my dad is sitting on the sofa not weighing in, he's been like this for a while. Not responding properly, ignoring me, it annoys me. He's always been the rock in my family, and he's not telling either of us to shut up. I think it's becuase he's fallen out with me, he's been like this for a few weeks.
A few weeks later mum and dad come to watch me play rugby, she texts me before 'saying take dad for a beer'. I see her after the game crying with a family friend from the rugby team.
Two days later i'm told he has brain cancer.
6 months down the line, (post-radiotherapy) today, we take him for a drive through the countryside something we've always enjoyed. I KNOW HE'S IN THERE! I know that the non-sense he says means something, but i'm slowly losing my ability to speak his language. I left the house after dinner and he said he loved me.
My heart aches for the loss I am yet to go through.
