Help with parent

my dad had an operation. It was carcenoma in the private area, apparently rare. He went through with the operation to have the tumor removed. He has had no further treatment. Constant calls from hospital that he avoids. He says he doesn't want to know. Has just received letter for ct thorax abdo pelvis with contrast. 

Whenever my mum trys to get information from him he shuts down or gets angry and refuses to tell us what he knows. All he has said is all ok from initial operation and that he is to old for anything else. We try to reason saying at least find out. For us. If you refuse further treatment we will respect his wishes. He is still shut down and avoiding calls or cancelling appointments. Anyone have any idea what we can do?

  • Hello Missjinx

    I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's situation. It's not uncommon for some patients to experience denial after being given a cancer diagnosis and understandably it's hard for everyone involved. Your Dad may not want to know anymore about his condition nor want to have any further treatment but he may also be feeling many other emotions surrounding the type of cancer he has such as embarrasment. Is there someone else in the family or someone that he has a relationship with that he may be more open to discussing things with? 

    If he's avoiding speaking to anyone from the hospital and cancelling appointments then it would certainly be a good idea to let them know so that they are aware of the situation. They may be able to offer some advice or support. 

    It may be that spekaing to your Dad and telling him that you respect his wishes about not wanting further treatment and will support him in that might help. He could be worried about this. Let him know that if he feels able to share more information with you, or would allow the Dr's to speak to you, about his condition will better enable you to support him. 

    If you'd like to talk things through with one of our nurses for some advice and support then you're welcome to give them a call. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. 

    I do hope that you can find a way forward and that things improve. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator