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Daughter terminal and has cut off contact. Really need to talk

Petra3
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Hi there. I need someone to talk to desperately. My daughter is terminal and in a hospice. She has cut me off in all directions because I cut her phone call off when she started to shout abuse at me.

She is in a bad place and totally feel for her and have been there for her whenever she needs me.

She had stopped talking to her partner too but today I find out hes bee going to visit her. I am so upset as I would do anything for her and cant understand why she wont let us get over this hiccup.

I called the hospice yesterday and they told me she didnt want them to contact me so I obviously asked how she is and they said they weren't able to discuss it with me. I'm heartbroken at the moment and feel so guilty for feeling like this when shes the one with cancer. I myself had breast cancer grade2 four years ago and can feel sympathy for her but thank god I am in remission. Sorry to go on but I dont wish to burden my husband with this as he has got enough to worry about with her. I feel so close to breaking point.

  • I'm so sorry to read what has happened Petra. I know there's nothing I can do or say that can make this situation less painful but I want you to know that our community are here for you and will do what they can to support you at this difficult time.

    Do keep chatting to us here if you find it helps and remember that our cancer nurses are available on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m if you'd like to talk things through with them as well.

    Sending big virtual hugs your way Petra.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi, just keep trying and don't give up.  Why don't you send her a nice card or letter, asking how she is and explain how you feel x

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    Hi there ...

    Firstly , I think you did the right thing but stopping the call when she got angry or abusive ... cancer is probly the reason she feels like that, it is not an excuse to treat anyone like that ... you were really amazing not to get angry back, just stopping the call ...

    Saying that, I can imagine your heart is breaking ... as I have a son who won't talk to me, I can so empathise ... I have tried on lots of occasions to just tell him how much I love him .. but for his own reasons won't listen ... we love them unconditionally... I know that .. but there is a time when you have to let them know, you love them, and you'll always be there if they want us back in their lives ... you can say that in a letter ... then you've done all you can ... 

    I put it like my door is always open, ... I'm just not standing in the door waiting ... my heart goes out to you ... but the ball is in her court now ... I so hope she finds her way back to you ... Chrissie xx 

     

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