Hello,

I just want to start off by saying how sorry I am about your father in law, it's such a horrible thing to go through just seeing them deteriorate so rapidly. It's also heartbreaking that there aren't any options left. Have you looked in to/discussed any alternative treatments at all? I havent looked myself but it's always interesting to look. How is he within himself? Is he still enjoying things and moving around a bit? 
 

I'm so glad I found this post because it seems that duodenal cancer is relatively rare and it's nice to speak to someone else about it. Im 22 and my dad (62) was diagnosed with incurable stage 4 duodenal cancer with liver metastases around the middle of May. Just like with your father in law, we thought it was a stomach ulcer or something like that so he had a series of tests at the doctors and nothing really came from them. It was only when his liver function tests came back with really poor results that he was rushed to the hospital and had a CT that night. Unfortunately because of Covid-19 nobody could even be with him when he got the news the next morning. He told us over the phone and I remember being completely numb to begin with. I drove back to my parents house and completely broke down whilst driving. 
 

He spent the next week or so in the hospital having his bile duct drained and trying to improve his overall health as this was causing some problems. At this point he was really struggling to eat anything. When he came home it was a complete shock; the last time I'd seen him was in March before lockdown and we walked 5 miles on the beach for my birthday! He had lost a lot of weight, he was yellow from jaundice and he couldn't get out of bed. 2 days later he had to be rushed back for a GI stent to be put in so he could eat again, which did make him better but he still had no appetite and was living on complan for quite a while.

In his consultation he has told it would be about 4-10 months, depending on how the chemo went. He has had one round of chemo so far but since then he's had some complications: a couple of nasty infections, another blocked bile duct which needed to be drained and now a blood clot.
 

The main issue we are having, however, is that he just doesn't want to live anymore. He has been talking to my auntie about wanting to commit suicide; he won't directly tell my mum, me or my brother but we know. About 2 weeks ago my mum overheard him saying to my auntie that he was going to do it that night. I went to go and make his bed for him and found a noose and a suicide note which is probably one of the worst moments of my life. I spent the evening trying to cheer him up and play lots of music he likes and I don't know what changed his mind but he improved slightly over the next couple of days.

Since then he has been put on steroids to improve his appetite and he has improved dramatically. He laughs occasionally now and he's not losing weight at rapidly. It's just incredibly difficult knowing he doesn't want to fight and that he has given up completely - it's not the dad I know or grew up with. 
 

Sorry for the long, rambling reply - it's just really nice being able to talk to other people going through almost the same thing - only one of my friends' parents has had cancer and he very fortunately managed to recover which, as bad as it sounds, only makes me angry sometimes that I know my dad won't be able to.

I wish you and your family all the best and I'm happy to chat whenever if you want to xx