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Grandad terminally ill

eamccann
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Hi All, just looking for a bit of advice really... My grandad is terminally ill with bowel, colon and intestinal cancer. My dad and mum have moved in with him, mainly because he's so lonely but he doea alao need help getting to bed, going to the toilet, getting a bath etc. I'm not really that close to my grandad, it is obviously awful seeing him in so much pain, he used to be so independant. I'm 23 and he has spent the last 15 years abroad... we dont really have any sort if relationship but I visit when I can. The main issue is my dad, I understand he has a lot on his plate at the moment being an only child he is nursing my grandad 24/7 all by himself. We used to be really close but recently, all he does is snap at me, look down on me or just completely ignore me. I feel like I cant do anything right, I call him to see how my grandad is, and i just feel like a burden. I really, really want to make it clear that I know he has a lot on, and I may come across as selfish, but it is not intential. Does anyone know how I can try help my dad, or any advice on not taking things too personal? thank you

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    That's a tough situation to be in, and stress can make people behave in ways that they wouldn't normally behave.

    You understand that when your dad perceives you to be selfish, that you are not intending to behave that way. And when your dad snaps at you or ignores you, that's not how he would normally behave.

    I hope you don't find yourself withdrawing from your relationship with your father, because of how he is interacting with you now. Maybe you can still be around, can still offer to help, can still show an interest in how your dad and grandpa are managing, while at the same time accepting that - for the time being - your dad has his plate full and is not currently able to give priority to his relationship with you. If you can accept that, then hopefully the relationship between you and your dad will improve again in the future.

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    Bless I no this feeling... I feel like my partner is pushing me away.. stage 3b lung cancer no cure just treatment..we were so close but now I feel him pushing me away .I stay quiet. But anything I say he snaps...ain't him atall.. I try to do an be all he needs but still I feel useless.. I understand you do much just keep in there be strong your dad will need you more ..god love an bless your grandad.. 

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