Still processing his strangeness 4 months on from his death , the really sad part is his family did nothing to help yet chose to be extremely unkind and just took over the last few days . Now I've got early stage Endometrial cancer but I'm positive x

Thanks for responding, I'm so sorry to hear of your own diagnosis, such impossible situations, we can all just do the best we can day to day and just let it all go when we can't. Stay positive and surround yourself with only positive loving people who can heal you mentally and physically, wishing you all the best x

Xxx

So I have been very happily married for 7 years and we have a gorgeous 5 year old little boy. My husband was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma last October, been through 5 rounds of chemo and had a stem cell transplant in June. During the treatment his moods were a little off but nothing major as we knew it was a side effect. Whilst this cancer is considered terminal as there is no cure, it is now controlled for the time being (hopefully a long time).

in the last few weeks his mood has changed and he has become really nasty with his words and I know I shouldn't, but if I eventually bite back, he takes it up a whole new level by not speaking to me for a week or yesterday he said our relationship is done and he wants to move out.  This has absolutely destroyed me as I love him dearly and can't even think what to say to our little boy as he is besotted with daddy. 
 

He started a maintenance chemo drug a month ago (Lenalidomide) which is a new drug supposed to be very effective at keeping his cancer under control. I don't know if these meds have caused it but there is no alternative as  the main thing is to do everything to keep it at bay. 
 

in addition, I think mentally he had hoped to have normality of some sort back by now but he still suffers back pain and his hospital appointments are relentless so he's not seeing light at the end of the tunnel. 
 

I didn't lose him to cancer and I don't want to lose him now, I'm really struggling .

Hi Keh 79,

Sad to hear of your plight. I have Multiple Myeloma and in the early days (2016) when on Dex, I tended to get loud and was constantly getting emotional, crying and apologising. I made a point though of asking people to take note of any changes in character or behaviour and luckily, none occurred.

I also made known my gratitude to all those who care for me, my wife first and foremost, without whom, I'd be dead.

Your husband should not still be in pain. Could I suggest a review of his meds with his GP or possibly a consultation with palliative care. Presently, I'm on 100mg MST Continus, twice a day and have no pain. I have no worries about becoming addicted to morphine, though I know some people do.

As for Dex, there is the alternative and milder Prednisolone which I've always been prescribed since the first few goes of Dex. I get no Prednisolone crash.

Two things then that might go some way to alleviate your problem though to my mind, there's no excuse for treating you badly.

Best Regards

Taff

Hi, me too oo every day walki on egg shells. 
my husband is so nasty and bullying me. 
He hits himself xx at my wits ends now!

Hi Bconner,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear that you are at the receiving end of this type of behaviour. Unfortunately, it is not unusual for people who have had a cancer diagnoss to have a complete change of personality. There are several reasons for this and you might find it helpful to discuss these with a counsellor. Sometimes discussing this with a stranger, who has experience of this type of behaviour can be very useful. They can also suggest some coping strategies.

Many charities offer a counselling service. There are some larger charities scattered throughout the country and smaller, local charities, with a variety of names. Ask at your local GP practice, Citizen's Advice Bureau or Library. These services are free of charge and can help you to understand why this is happening. If your husband is hitting himself too, do you think that he is in pain? If so, perhaps he needs to have his pain medicines adjusted. Living with constant pain can impact on how one behaves.

Can I ask what stage your husband's cancer is at and do you have anyone to support you?

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

So sorry you had to go through that my husband has just recently been diagnosed with lung cancer but all ready his mood swings r awful  llike he’s stopped work and I said just work for a couple Of wks till o get paid I will take over all finances which he was grateful for but said will see as he still wants to work but he literally in bed all the time we have 5 children I’m not in the best of health so I don’t work but he literally in bed all the time I asked before does he want to get up and do something and he said the longer I mither longer he will stay there he also said before he met me he’s never been ill and told me it my fault he’s got cancer I caused it I feel like I’m his mum we take his food up to him he doesn’t interact with me or the kids there has been no sex life for nearly 2yrs and we got married just under 2 years I literally do absolutely everything my 3 older daughters help out with washing pots cooking but I literally feel a single parents this was all going on before the diagnosis but can see it slowly getting worse 

My husband is on his 3rd session diagnosed after a difficult 3 years of constant diarrhoea, and refusing to attend his doctor. Never had a pill in all of his 80 years. So at the time of diagnosis he was no long leaving the house for a year....I was already tired from all the laundry, and cleaning of toilets. I got him to a doctor with the promise of a holiday we couldn't go unless his problem  was sorted.  I was the sole breadwinner in the home being 18 years younger than he.   The diagnosis was a shock.  (We had a period of ten years where we split - but bring very practical got back together. I was his second option, whereas I always loved him.  However. The truth was I took him back as I felt sorry for him and didn't want my children hating me for dumping him) he is of a generation whereby his expectations and demands are that wives must do everything, and I mean everything, yes sweep chimneys, replace roof tiles, lawns, paint house, drill walls you name it, Italian women are slaves to their men!   Fast forward having paid off two failed business ventures of his, sorted his taxes, paid his bank and loans, bought him his cars, second hand not expensive, we have the mortgage paid....hence the hope of a holiday after 15 years of paying bills....Stage 4 lymphoma hits, and all of the associated minding that that involves....including cooking food in the middle of the night, when in hospital not letting nurses wash him, demanding I drive 60 miles a day with fresh food, and clean clothes every day to wash him .....he has become impossible. What has become clear is how much he seems to hate me, yet demands I look after him.  We ended up in hospital together for a week, I had surgery, I walked to his ward every day, and he asked me to wash - I said I wasn't able, he told me to f...off!!!!   He never once asked how I was.  He is angry and every sentence is unkind. We have no good memories because we never went anywhere in our lives, never launched out as there was never any money, only my wage it wasn't enough....   I am ill treated daily and called a '*** ' daily.  I was anxious and shaking today as I am disgusted with myself for accepting this life and how he is towards me now after everything I did for him , I got him two jobs, and set him up in business,  with borrowings I paid back.      (I was Orphaned homeless and penniless at 16 and I just wanted to keep the family together) I think the price was too high, after his first session he was at his lowest, we fought, I didn't care about his cancer, I said everything that should have been said years ago hit and heavy. Today was yet another awful day. I get up telling myself make it memorable, nice, I can't take him anywhere but if the sun is out I'll do lunch in the garden tablecloth and trimmings etc....but nothing works, nothing begets a single kind word, I'm not looking for thanks, but a smile a caring glance, all he does is moan. Whatever he needs or wants I get him, but inside now I'm caught up with emotions of anger, trying to show affection and love to him when I want to scream at him, and all in the knowledge that he never actually loved me, I just paid for his life and wasted mine - and yet I'm still looking after him because no one else will. I also know when he is gone I'll grieve for the man who fathered my children and  whom I could never get to open up to me.  How can I hold myself together until chemo is over and he gets better.