Cancer Research UK main site

Nanna has terminal cancer (&lockdown)

emmylou32
Offline

My Nanna was diagnosed with cancer in her lung near the start of April, right after we went into lockdown. Initially she was doing really well and we were hoping she would have some treatment to keep it at bay (they said from the outset that it would never be cured), but she has rapidly deteriorated and it is highly unlikely she will never recieve any treatment.

I've been to visit twice during the lockdown as I was furloghed and was able to stay home to make sure I was safe to see her. However I've now had to go back to work and I work in a medical environment which obviously means I can't visit anymore.

I am really close with both my Nan and Grandad especially as they are the only grandparents I have. I have never had to deal with loosing someone in my adult life before. I am 28 and the last time I lost a relative I was 14 and ony saw said relative 1x per year. 

I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that I will lose her and probably soon. I am distraught that I may not get to hug her ever again let alone visit her thanks to having to work now. I also heard my Grandad cry for the first time in my life, and my heart just breaks that I can't be there for them thanks to this virus. I'm not really sure if I am asking for help writing this, I just know from reading around here that I'm not in a boat on my own so to speak. I can't talk to my mum about it at the moment (it's her mum), as she is really struggling with it too and I don't want to add any more emotional stress onto her. 

I guess if I were to ask a question it would be - how do you come to terms with the fact that you're going to lose them? Possibly without ever seeing them again.

  • Offline

    Hi emmylou32

    This is a difficult situation to be in but I think you might be able to find a way around it. You have already seen her since lockdown so I'm assuming she is in her own home, not Covid19 positive and you didn't put anyone else at risk by visiting her. You are able to make visits to assist with a vulnerable adult if required under PHE guidance and your grandfather would fit this category as well as your grandmother being over 70 and end of life care.

    You can wear PPE to protect yourself, your grandfather and her, as any domicilliary care and palliative nursing staff would do if they need to attend a terminally ill patient. Hospices and some hospitals are still allowing close family to be present at end of life by taking full precautions for other staff and residents and issuing PPE. If you yourself have Covid19 symptoms or have been instructed by NHS Test & Trace to isolate for 14 days as a contact of someone who has, then obviously you shouldn't be leaving the house but otherwise you can go. Open windows and doors to ensure good ventilation, wear mask, apron and gloves and use meticulous hand hygiene before and after visiting. If you're a single adult living alone then she and your grandfather could now be part of your selected social bubble you can interact with.

    These are all measures we are using in healthcare at present (I work in a hospital environment too, as well as for PHE) and I have done this myself with my grandmother who's 105 years old and housebound, reliant on family and care staff and was seriously unwell in the early phase of lockdown.

    If for any reason you still can't go inside then can you speak with her over the phone, through the window/door or write a letter that your grandfather can read to her. My aunt did this for my Mum when she was dying and I read it to her whilst she was unconscious and in a coma, I like to think she could still hear me. Maybe send her an item of your clothing with your perfume on so she can feel your presence with her or make something to place next to her bed with your photo. There are so many ways to communicate your love for her still.

    Best wishes to you and your family.

    x 

     

  • Offline in reply to HelenaW

    Hi Helena,

     

    Thank you for your response. I managed to buy some PPE off of work so I could visit her again. I know that she was happy to see me, but it was so difficult to see her and how quickly she has deteriorated in just a week. 

     

    I am struggling emotionally this week - I think seeing her struggle so much to just breathe has really made it it home jsut how little time I have left with her. I've been feeling a lot of anger too as the hospital and doctors took month to diagnose her. They found a shadow on an xray back in January and they waited until March to do anything about it, deciding that the problem was her blood pressure!

     

    I think I will write her a letter as you suggested. She can barely speak anymore as just breathing is a struggle but she will be able to read it.

     

    Emma

  • Offline in reply to emmylou32

    I've just stumbled across this having had very similar news today. I am a teacher and feel the same as she is vulnerable and I am on the front line. Thinking of you 

  • Offline in reply to lucylovesnanaandgrandpa

    Hi [@lucylovesnanaandgrandpa]‍ 

    Unfortunately my Nanna passed away in July, but thank you for your thoughts.

    It's a tough situation to be in, I feel for you. I hope your Nanna is doing okay.

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.