Hello  Mariajuliette.

                                what a horrible thing Cancer is, it brings out the most irrational responses in us as we try to come to terms with the myriad of competing thoughts and scenario's that are rushing around our heads so fast ,its impossible to grab hold of them.

                                                                                l think you are on the money when you talk of being scared,bcause l think its heightened fear triggered by the start of chemo with no guarentee that has triggered your mums current response,not one day of treatment.It sounds like she is lashing out because she has not come to terms with her position,and you are in the firing line,but not the target.

l was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that had spread to another organ,so can relate to her anguish,it took me time to face acceptance,but l found that my decision to fight my cancer with everything l had,started out as fighting everything as if l had became possessed,and unaware of the hurt l caused around me.The level of intensity within me was upon reflection,like nothing l had ever experienced,and l hope never will again.

        Sorry l cannot offer you help in dealing with this,just perhaps a small insight into a possible reason for your mums outburst,it will be an emotional rollercoaster that often has a far greater impact on the carer than the patient,who like a furious mid west tornadoe,keeps rushing forward regardless.

l did evenually manage to focus my intensity on just the cancer,thankfully before doing irreversible damage to my loved ones, and seven years on have recovered to enjoy and share our lives again,

.l hope your mum defies the odds,and not destroy all about her in the process,and you can find a stable plateau from which to continue from,

                                                          David

I'm so sorry to hear about this. It might help to know it's happened to many others, including me and my mum (who has terminal Stage IV cancer). I'm very close to my mum and it was very upsetting when she appeared to turn against me. Thanks to this chat site, I discovered that it's pretty common to see personality changes and erratic, negative behaviour from loved ones with cancer. It's very often a side effect of the drugs - in our case it was high doses of morphine that caused the main problem. But she'd had mood-related side-effects with other medication in the past. There's also a big psychological element - the intense fear involved in getting such bad news, a sense that nobody understands what you're going through, a desire to push people away so they grieve less, etc. But from my experience it has been medication that accounts for the most bizarre and upsetting things happening. It helped me a lot to read about others' experiences and I wish I had done it sooner, so it's very good that you got onto this site so quickly. Although she is terminal, we ended up with a few months of respite as her pain got better after surgery, so I can vouch for the fact that she had literally no recollection of any of the things she'd said (or indeed most of what went on in that period) and she was so apologetic. We have agreed that if it happens again I will remember that it's a hallucination caused by the drugs she's taking. We have agreed that I should also walk out of the room if she starts saying upsetting things, too. So I hope you can take some reassurance that your mum is still in there somewhere - this is her fear and her disease and the side-effects talking, not her. Wishing you all the very best.       

Its so hard, I had the same throughout treatment with my mum and the things she said to me. I think it was her way of dealing with the anger of diagnosis and treatment. Its was good to step back and talk to others, that really got me through