Hello fellow sufferers, whether cancer victims or their families and other loved ones.

I posted on this site about a month ago having just learnt that my wonderful soul-mate husband has pleural mesothelioma, the asbestos-based terminal lung cancer. His prognosis is 12-21 months without treatment, but, with the COVID-19 emergency ongoing he's been told there won't be any treatment for 'at least a couple of months'. Not that treatment will do anything other than maybe contain the cancer long enough to grant him a few precious extra months. I was in such a state of shock, anger, disbelief and anxiety at the diagnosis that I wasn't really paying too much attention to what I was doing 'out of hours' - that being the time when my husband is asleep and I feel able to cry and rage and fret without disturbing him, so my first posts were a bit selfish and panicky. I'm sorry for that.  I'm partially disabled, and I seriously worry about my ability to care for him as he needs. We were planning our old age together, planning on accidentally using each other's false teeth; laughing at our inability to stay continent - that kind of thing. Instead, we have maybe a couple of years, then he'll be gone without me. I don't want him to leave alone. Montaigne wrote, 'If anyone asks why I loved him, it was because he was he and I am I.' I am devastated and don't know how I'm going to find the strength to help him through his death. I'm struggling now to be as 'normal' as possible, but I don't sleep, can't eat, and am so effing peed off that I can't do ANYTHING to stop this and it's not his fault. I've never felt so useless before.