A bit of background about me and my mum before I start. My mum had me later on, when she was 41. I am now 20 (21 in 2 weeks!). She was first diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer in early 2016, and had chemo and debulking surgery (full hysterectomy, ovary/fallopian removal etc, omentum removal). from late 2017 onwards she was doing ok and working towards the remission stage. I decided to have a gap year as I would not have felt right going to uni so soon after my mum being so ill. I went to uni in October 2018 and everything seemed ok. Then my mum in January 2019 got diagnosed again - this time the cancer had attached to the spleen, with two tumours in the original area. This was classed as an advanced cancer due to it spreading fairly far from the original cancer site.
she began an IV chemo with a different tablet form to take at home which was very gruelling. The doctor said that she was the first female patient in the hospital to be on this regime. Unfortunately the scans showed the chemo had only maintained the cancer in its current state and not shrunk it. He looked into immunotherapy - not an option. In the meantime, she was on a few weeks break from her chemo, January 2020. She became ill and was admitted to hospital, where they found an abscess had developed on her spleen and had burst - she was in for 3 weeks and had to have the fluid drained off, and v strong antibiotics for the infection, for 6 weeks. the antibiotics had gastro side effects, combined with her other meds she is very sleepy, not active, not able to eat etc. this is not like her as she is usually very strong and the oncologist has said she wouldn't have been able to have that treatment if she was not strong. He said that many people would not have survived that infection.
Recently she's been vomiting 12 hours after eating, not digesting food properly, she has a syringe driver fitted with morphine, antisickness etc, which seems to be helping a little bit.
I am very worried that she has had her scan cancelled twice now due to the virus meaning appointments are being cut back. she needs the scan to see if the antibiotics have worked and to see what, if anything can happen next. Fortunately I am at home for a good while now due to uni being shut due to the virus. I am worried that this delay will be fatal to my mum and there is nothing anyone can do. Being young I am worried about what will happen if my mum deteriorates or worse - I am already noticing deteriorations day by day and dread what is to come. I know it is not all about me but little things are creeping in which give me a horrible feeling. We get nurses from the hospice coming and I straight away thought hospices are for terminally ill, but they said it is not the case and they are specialists in pain management.
I literally have no friends - my age group do not really relate to, or understand, what I am going through, and I can't relate to their "problems". We have a large extended family but a lot of them have just forgotten about us, don't keep in touch don't bother with us, it's like they are shunning us because my mum is ill. This has been the case since her first diagnosis. This also worries me as to what may happen in the future - my dad needs the support as much as me.
My mum and I have an unusually close relationship, more so than anyone I know. I am an only child - her and my dad tried for 9 years before I was eventually born, and they love me deeply. I have never met a kinder, more loving and caring woman than my mum, and don't think I would be able to cope without her. I know it is a trivial point too but I don't know what will happen about uni in the future either.
Would love to hear if anyone has got any helpful advice or stories that they can share, although would like to stay positive where possible!
Hope everyone is keeping safe in these worrying times,
Olivia x
