Hi my lovely

this is the first time I've ever posted on here but reading what you are going through I just wanted to reach out- I can only imagine the frustration and heartache you are suffering! It's so sad to hear I'm sorry for you! 

my partner and I have been quite fortunate with our experience so far and the hospitals been superb- diagnosed with stage IV bowel cancer in November - I have been caring for him at home and have had to make many changes in daily life but I would not have it any other way after having watched him become so ill in hospital and being on the verge of losing him - I am a public sector worker with 2 teenage children and I have been doing my best to care at home as well as still find time to spend with the kids and cook and clean and so forth... it's tough at times and there are days I want to ring his neck for being such a stroppy stubborn toad but then it's rewarding when he looks so happy to see me - even when rolling his eyes at me when I wake him to take pills and things.... there is no easy decision for you here whatever you do is going to cause up heavle and stress for yourself and your family and I don't know your full situation- for instance if you can get sick pay, or have the room to accomodate mam, the age of your children etc....

so my only suggestion is to sit down and write the pros, cons and options on a peace of paper and brain storm them and then talk with your family -is it possible to bring her into care with you? work from home? Could the children help? Is it something they all want to do to help out? Or is there somewhere you can stay with her?  
there is no right or wrong answer 

Also have a look for local carers support groups - honestly my local group have been a god send- ringing in to check how I am and how I am coping and offering advice and services available locally 

I don't have all the answers but I am willing to lend an ear and understand the best I can in a difficult challenging time and my circumstances are completely different to yours but I just felt any response may give you a little help then again I may have made you more confused but I do hope you will find the right answer for you and your mam and family!

good luck x

Hi there

you said your dad has stage 4 Bowel cancer, my mother has the same cancer .. is your dad ok I mean is he doing well in himself or is he quite ill? I'm really worried about mum she has always been strong and healthy but this has knocked us all for six and we are so in shock and clueless as what to do. Is your dad having chemotherapy? I'm so sorry if I'm asking too much but I am so frightened by mum's illness I'm trying to find out as much as I can - mum is hospitalised at present due to an infection and has been for a month now but afterwards it will be up to me to care for her. I'm scared and frightened. Cancer frightens me. Also to the poster Gillian22 I am so sorry about your mum what a sad situation she has been in you must be heartbroken for her I can't tell you to be strong I'd feel like a fraud because I'm not strong.. I'm crumbling myself because of my mum's cancer  illness..all I can say is my heart goes out to you these are sad and desperate times but I hope and pray things will get better in time.

Thank you for your time to write to me. As I see you have your own battle. However you seem upbeat and positive and I'm sure this carries you and your family a long way. I've taken the decision to bring me mam home and I will move in and care for her. I did as you said the pros and cons. my family will survive without me but my mam can't at this minute in time. I've spoken with care home manager Macmillan nurse and Drs today. They have put a referral into the district nurses as I will need a few bits to adapt her home to make this work. I'm sure this will be the biggest challenge I will ever take on but at least my mam gets to go home and be a peace. 

I see the progression of her tumour shes more sleepy and confused and stressed her steroids have been upped to try and help they worked great for a couple of days but we are back to square one. I'm hoping once she gets home she wont be as stressed as she will be in her own home.

I do hope you all continue to be as happy and as healthy as can be. Cancer is horrific no matter where and what kind. My heart goes out too you all.

Hi, 

I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties you've had, I think you've made the right decision. 

My mum is 62 and has recently diagnosed with GBM4 and in the space of a month her condition has deteriorated to the point where I can't hold a conversation with her. I'm caring for her full time at home with a 2 year old, restricted to going out because of the virus and have had to give up working indefinitely.

Some days I find it really difficult because I want to talk to her normally but because she doesn't know what's going on and rambles on about the same things over and over I find I can't sit in the same room and listen to her for long periods of time. The tumour also makes her have massive mood swings at times to the point where she verbally lashes out at me for no reason.

I feel like this virus restriction is wasting the time she has left with us also because we can't have any visitors to help by simply talking to her.

I wish this wasn't happening to us and just want all of this to end. I feel fed up and it feels like I've lost her already. Why does life have to be so cruel. 

I'm so sorry to hear you are in the same position as I am, my heart goes out too you. firstly can I just say you must be superwoman having to deal with this and have a 2 year old. wow I take my hat off too you. my boys are a older so they only really need me if they are hungry or want something. 

I can't even imagine how you are coping the conversation side I get my mam sometimes has great conversation but she skirts off or just forgets what's we were talking about. All of repeating is challenging I always just think its not her fault. My mam is a very intelligent woman she was in charge of 2 departments as a nurse. I try and keep her talking about the past as her short term memory is shocking but she still remembers a lot from years ago. this seems to be where we get the best conversations.

time out is good for everyone I'm sure I will be the same when I get my mam home. The McMillan nurses where just advising me today there could be a point my mam may turn and her mood or temper may change. I'm just living in hope this doesn't happen but if it does I'm sure I will try and deal with it as best I can.

I'm totally with you about being alone on this as the virus takes over everything. I hold out hope this is only for a few more weeks then we can all start re building and getting back to a life well our new life with cancer. I have said from the start why this form of cancer why did she get this its soul destroying if only the answers where out there. 

if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here and I'm willing to chat even if it is just to have a ear to listen or compare notes as such,  as I honestly know where you are coming from. Let me know I can send you my email or number. 

Hang on in there it sounds like your doing a amazing job x