Hello Gh17,

I just wanted to welcome you to our forum. I am so sorry to hear about your mum it must be such a tough time for you and your family. You are right to try and remain strong even if this a truly heartbreaking situation. Try and take one day at a time if you can. I am sure your mum appreciates your support. 

You've come to the right place to reach out to others who have been in a similar situation before and I hope you will soon hear from a young adult, teenager or indeed anyone who has a parent who has also been diagnosed with terminal cancer. It does help to talk to others here who are in the same boat facing similarly challenging times or who may have been in a similar place in the past. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Gh,

Welcome to our forum. I am so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis. Sadly, I am no longer in my teens - more at the other end of the scale! I have nursed both parents and my father-in-law with terminal cancer and know just how difficult this can be.

Instead of worrying about the future without your beloved mum, try to make the most of any time you have left. Support her as much as you can, talk to her, don't leave anything unsaid, tell her how much you love her. It sounds as if the doctors are trying their best to hold on to her with medication to reduce the size of her lesion and, it is good news that it is reducing in size.

This is a scary time and, one of the worst things is not knowing how much longer she has. Sadly, even her doctors can only make a guesstimate as to her prognosis. Doctors have been way off beam with some of their advice, with some people living much longer than advised. Are you an only child?

It sounds as if you are a mature young lady who is trying to be strong, despite the heartbreak. This will be comfort to your dad as well as your mum.

I feel for you all having to go through this ordeal. Now that you know the position, you might find it helpful to discuss her precise diagnosis with your dad, so that you can both talk openly and support one another.  Is your mum aware of her condition? If she is, you may find it helpful to talk to her too. Is your mum still at home and, if so, how are you and your dad coping? As thinks progress, you may find that it would be helpful to have carers coming into see to her personal care. This would leave both of you to have more quality time with your mum.

Do you have an adult or a friend who you could discuss your feelings with? It is always helpful to be able to unleash your feelings on to someone. There is a site especially for teenagers who have patients with cancer which you might find helpful. It is called www.riprap.org.uk.  We are always here for you too.

You may be scared of all this just now, but you will find the strength to get through this.

I am thinking of you all and, hope and pray for a peaceful passing for your mum.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

thank you for your kind words. 

thank you for your support. 

i am going to spend as much time with her, this is a really good idea. i have 2 older sisters who dont live at home,and they dont know that mums cancer is terminal. i would like to speak more to my parents about it, but it is confusing and emotional, still raw and i feel like my mums attitude towards it is almost 'business as usual' if you looked at her you wouldnt know there was anything wrong as such, she looks healthy. she is still at home and works part time, although obviously is now working from home due to covid 19. my mum does know about her condition, family know she has cancer but again, no one knows it is terminal. my dad doesnt work and so he looks after her and does a lot for her, as the tablets make her tired. i have told my boyfriend that it is terminal however it was over the phone and we both cried and i dont really like talking about it but i knew id have to tell him because i will be upset. me and my best friend are drifting and she makes everything about herself,and i wouldnt want to tell her over the phone anyway, which is our only option. i will check out that website thank you. 

thanks, grace

Hi Grace,

It might be a good idea for your mum and dad to tell your sisters this sad news. If your mum were to die and, they found out that you knew and they didn't, they might be quite upset, at being left out. It would be much easier for you all to know where you stand with this, as you can all support one another then. If you want to speak to your parents about it, you could start the ball rolling by gradually slipping in the occasional question that will tell you a little more about your mum's position.

People who have cancer all respond differently to their diagnosis. Some will panic whilst others will almost deny what is happening. It sounds as if your mum is a very strong person and is staying as positive as she can. She is doing well if she is still working. It is fortunate that your dad can be at home to look after your mum, but please bear in mind that he may need additional help as the end draws near. It is difficult to deal with both the emotional and physical care for a loved one and, with carers, he can concentrate on the emotional, rather than trying to do everything.

Encourage your mum to sleep when she feels like it. She is likely to get more tired as time passes. I am glad to hear that you have confided in your boyfriend and, hope that he will turn out to be your 'rock' throughout this. Don't worry about your best friend. Many people in your position find that friends of your own age cannot really appreciate the agonies that you are experiencing and, don't know how to cope with you. They can also appear very trivial and self-obsessed and you may find them very shallow at the moment.

I hope that you find the website I mentioned of some help, but, as I said before, we are always here for you too.

Kind regards,

Jolamine x

Hi, my parents will obviously tell my sisters in time and when it is right, but they live far away and they will worry a lot, our only form of contact is calling for 3 months so she won't tell them over the phone anyway. One of my sisters is pregnant and stressed enough about this during coronavirus so there's no point adding anything additional when we can't physically be together. I will start by asking questions, but I feel so numb that I don't even know where to begin. She is dealing with it very well and it's not getting her bad so far. I'm hoping that the end will be a very long time away as things are going well. Both of my boyfriends parents have had cancer however it was found quickly and they are both healthy now, but I feel like he understands a bit more and I can't wait till I can physically be with him again. He is so supportive and caring. I think that you have definitely hit the nail on the head with my best friend, she does seem so shallow because she only talks about herself and has no clue how much I'm hurting, and doesn't bother to ask. 
 

thank you jolamine x

Yes the pregnancy is very exciting, just a scary time to be pregnant in. I think I will write them down as they come into my head, this is a good idea. Yeah I am enjoying being able to spend much more time with her. He is great to confide in because he understands. He is definitely a goodun :) 

me and my best friend have been drifting anyway and at times like these I do realise what kind of a person she is, but what can you do about it. My boyfriend is my rock and I'm lucky to have him. 
 

thanks, grace xx

Hi Gill,

It sounds as if you have a lot of positives in your life. This is good, as you will find throughout your life that it is better to mix with positive people than negative people. In doing this you will have a much better chance of getting ahead in life.

We can accept some of our friends 'warts and all', but you are not likely to change your friend. As you say, "what can you do about it?". Whatever will be, will be. There are a number of other people in this world who can be friends with you, so don't worry about it. As you know only too well, there are much more important things to worry about at the moment.

I am sure that your sister will be taking every precaution to ensure that both she and her baby stay safe and well. This will give your mum something to look forward to. Will this be her first grandchild? You will certainly find that you will remember your questions if you write them down as they come to you. Try to avoid consulting 'Dr Google', as much of this information is out of date, inaccurate, poorly researched and aimed at the spectacular and you will find it scary. Stick to well respected sites like this if you have to look things up.

Hang on to your boyfriend. He sounds like a real find.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx